The phone rings and rings and rings in Barney's ear, and for a long, long minute of that, he thinks she's not going to pick up. He hovers his thumb over the button to end the call, and starts to press it when Lindsey's voice comes through the speaker.

"Hello? Barney?"

He fumbles, nearly dropping the phone and hanging up on her, but manages to recover. "Hey, Linds! ...you there?"

"Yeah! Sorry, I just got in. What's up?" He can hear rustling on her end, like she's dropping her bag and her shoes at the front door. Barney licks his lips, unsure of how to tell her the news.

"Barney?"

"I'm, uh. I'm getting married, Linds."

There's a long silence on the line, and Barney starts to wonder if she just hung up on him. "Seriously?!" she crows in his ear, "Barney, for real? You are?"

"Yeah," he laughs, kind of breathlessly. "Yeah."

"To your...?"

"Yeah, to Gordon." Another long pause, and Barney licks his lips. "I know it's short notice, and you don't need to come up for it, but--"

"Are you kidding, I wouldn't miss it!" Lindsey sounds so happy, so excited for him. "I get a plus one, right?"

"S...sure," Barney grits out. "Yeah, bring a date."

She laughs at that, and Barney continues. "Just, uh... do me a favor."

"Yeah, what's up?"

"Please don't say anything to Mom and Dad. Or... Lauren." Barney closes his eyes, willing his heart to stop pounding in his ears.

"I won't," Lindsey promises him. "Cross my heart."

"Okay. Thank you."

They chat for a couple minutes, and then Lindsey has to go to take care of dinner, and Barney's left to crumple on the floor in his dorm room, alone with his thoughts again.

May first. He and Gordon had set a date, not long after returning to Black Mesa in January. This really is short notice, but Barney had only just decided the night before that he wanted Lindsey to be there.

And Chuck, apparently. Coward.

He glances at his phone, pulls up the calendar. Six weeks, and then he and Gordon won't be engaged anymore. They'll be married.

---

Barney's supervisor had almost maimed him when he said he needed time off again, so soon, for so long. He's pretty sure he almost got fired on the spot, but upon saying he was getting married, the tune had changed. His fellow guards had tried to throw him a bachelor's party, which he had to make excuses not to attend--so as far as he knows, they went and partied without him. Just as well.

He's got another three weeks off for the wedding, the honeymoon, and the trip. Gordon has to be back to work by the 15th, or his boss will kill him. Some big project they've been working on with the anti-mass spectrometer, an experiment, a test--Barney's not a brainiac, he doesn't really know all the details. Just that it's a big deal, and Gordon's excited about it, but not as excited as he is to be Mister Freeman-Calhoun.

They've struggled a bit, with the name thing, actually. Barney isn't real sure about keeping his surname at all, thinks he might just take on Freeman. They're still kind of hashing it out as they go, because, as Gordon points out, you can always just change your name later.

Diane and Rob are hosting the wedding, at their home, in their big beautiful backyard. Barney's only really spent any time in it when it was covered in snow, but Rob's been sending him photos of the landscaping they're doing, making it all nice and perfect for him and Gordon to get married in.

He's nervous.

Not about marrying Gordon. He's 100% sure on that, knows it's what he wants, what they both want. But the wedding itself...

Well, he's terrified of that. In his mind, even though he knows they're setting up a trellis in Diane and Rob's backyard, and there's gonna be all sorts of flowers and pretty things back there... In his mind, he thinks about marriage as something horrifying and eternally scary that happens in a big church. And God's there, and there's a priest, and they all stare down at you and point and mutter and declare you QUEER, and send you straight to Hell.

He knows he's ready to marry Gordon, hell, he's itching for the day to just come already so that he can kiss him in front of his family and friends and start calling himself Barney Freeman (it doesn't have a nice ring to it at all, does it) but the irrational fear of being wed lingers in the back of his mind.

They've been in Seattle two days already, settling in, helping to get things ready, and Lindsey is due to show up sometime in the afternoon. Barney hasn't heard a peep from her in two weeks, just radio silence, and he's halfway not even expecting her to show...

And then, half an hour before her flight is scheduled to take off, he gets bombarded with text messages. His phone nearly vibrates off the bedside table, and he catches it, squinting at the screen. Gordon rolls over, peeking, as Barney tries to put together Lindsey's frantic, typo-filled texts.

LC: i am so so rry barny didnt want this to happen

LC: they forced my hand lauren took my phone, and they made me sequel

LC: pleas dont hold it aginst me

LC: I'm sory

Barney squints at his phone for the longest time, then finally passes it to Gordon so that he can try to parse what the hell his sister has typed out. She's sorry? About what? She's not coming? He's kind of sad about that. He'd really hoped to see her at the wedding...

Just after lunch, he gets a call from an unknown number, ignores it so it can go to voicemail. Minutes later, Lindsey's phone calls him.

"Hey, sis," Barney says.

"Where the hell are you, boy?" Ed's voice barks at him. Barney holds his phone out, considers smashing it into little tiny pieces, then decides he doesn't want to make Rob or Diane have to clean that up for him. He just stares at the display on his Blackberry, the picture of Lindsey and her maiden name, as Ed tells him to get his ass to the airport, they've been waiting almost an hour for him. He can hear Barbara in the background, and then Lauren, and one of her kids screaming--

"Yessir," Barney mutters into the phone, and ends the call.

"Who was that?" Rob asks, looking over at him.

"My... my family's at the airport. My whole... all of em." Barney licks his lips. "They're gonna ruin my damn wedding."

---

Barney tries to insist that he can do it himself, but Gordon insists over him that he's not letting Barney face them alone, and Diane and Rob both insist that neither of them are going to be around those people without backup. So they pile into the sedan, which Barney realizes nervously is not going to fit much more than what they've got now, and head for the airport. Oh, well, he thinks, guess they can't come to the wedding! Not enough room in the car!

As with every trip to Seattle, something's just gotta fuck it up good for him. Diane parks, and Gordon hops right out of the car, Rob hot on his heels. Barney trails along after them in a daze, Diane by his side.

"Barney," she says, soft but firm. "You don't have to face them alone, remember?"

"Yeah, I... I know. Fuck, I'm not ready for this," he laughs, rubbing nervously at his face. "I'm really worried, Diane, if they hurt Gordon..."

Something flashes in her eyes, and he gulps, looking away. "I mean, if they say anything to him..."

Diane nods, patting his shoulder as they walk into the airport and look around for Gordon. Rob's stopped him near the entrance, and they're signing frantically, hands moving in quick, heated conversation.

As if on cue, Barney's phone rings again after they regroup. He looks at it with a sinking feeling of dread, hot and sticky like tar in his stomach.

"Hello?"

"You could use to hurry up," Lauren informs him.

"Okay," Barney croaks. "Where are y'all."

The Freemans follow after Barney as Lauren gives him directions. "You know," Lauren says in his ear, "you could've at least invited the rest of us."

I didn't want you there, he thinks, but doesn't say it as his family comes into view. Lindsey's been crying, he can see that, and Chuck's with her, patting her back. Lauren's older kid is running circles around the table, while the younger one sticks to her side like a burr. Dan and Ed are talking privately, a few feet away, and Barbara is scolding some poor airport employee who doesn't make anywhere near enough to have to deal with her.

"Is that them?" Rob asks, and Barney sighs, shoulders slumping.

"Yup."

He halfway expects the Freemans to hang back, to make him go forward and speak to his family, his parents, his sisters and in-laws, but instead Diane and Rob pat his shoulders and stride forward, tall and stern-looking as they were when he met them. Barney can't hear what they're saying from this distance, and he's not going to go any closer, but Rob and Ed are shaking hands, firmly, and Diane is introducing herself to Barbara. A pit sinks into Barney's stomach, cold and painful. They're smiling, they're getting along. What if Rob and Diane... what if they like his parents, after all this? The back of his neck prickles, watching them.

They talk for a minute, out of earshot, and then Diane beckons the two of them closer. Barney staggers a bit, and Gordon grabs his hand, squeezes, righting him.

It's ok, Barney. After this, you'll probably never have to see these people again.

"You know our son, Gordon," Rob's saying, as they come to join the group. Ed keeps the disgust off his face, but Barney notes how his hand curls, ever so slowly, into a fist by his side.

"We've met," Ed says, and then doesn't elaborate.

It's painfully awkward for a moment, and then Diane speaks up. "We didn't realize we'd have so many guests, so we're a little unprepared, but we've got room for two more in the sedan, and one guest room..."

"Well Ed and I can--" Barbara starts to volunteer them for the guest room, and Barney almost blacks out, only stays standing by the grace of Gordon's death grip on his hand, keeping him grounded.

"No," he hears himself gasp, and eyes flicker his way. No, he can't--he won't deal with that, not his parents that close to him. Ed's eyes narrow.

"Chuck and Lindsey can take the guest room," Rob says, and his voice is just firm enough that Barbara shuts her mouth and doesn't finish her thought.

"And the rest of us?" Ed asks, straightening up a bit to try to look down at Rob. They're nearly the same height as it is--Rob's got maybe an inch on him, actually--but Lord knows Ed needs to feel taller, to be superior.

"We have hotels here," Diane says helpfully, pointedly. Barney bites his lip, because at any other time that jab woulda been real funny...

"Of course," Ed says, pushing his agreeable smile onto his face. "We'll get a hotel."

"We'll cover the costs, of course," Rob says, and Dan speaks up, butting in.

"Shouldn't the father of the bride pay for that?" he asks. He glances at Barney, looks him up and down, and sneers.

"Well, which one of them is the bride," Barbie asks.

Rob is smiling, and he also looks like he might start strangling Barney's family, one by one. "You folks understand that this is a gay wedding, correct?" he asks, and the group goes deathly silent. "Neither of them are the bride. They're both grooms. That's kind of the whole point."

Now Ed is the one with murder in his eyes. "I can pay for our rooms. No need for you to trouble yourself," he says, looking at Rob like he's shit on his shoes. Rob returns the gaze in kind.

"Excellent," Rob says, and claps him on the shoulder so hard, Ed jolts. Gordon snorts slightly.

They're headed back to the car with Lindsey and Chuck in tow, and their bags. The rest of the family has agreed to stop by their hotel first, drop off their things, and then they'll be over to the Freemans' house, but for now it's just the two Calhouns.

Barney's doing so good, he thinks. Yeah, he's doing real good. His hands shake and he's cold and sweaty and he's feeling fine, just dandy. His eyes burn as they reach the car.

Fuck. This is not okay.

He manages to keep quiet until they're pulling onto the highway, and then it just falls to shit; Barney sucks in a great gasp of a sob, biting his lip so hard, he wouldn't be surprised if it scarred. "It's okay, honey," Diane tells him from the driver's seat, and Gordon's leaning over, pulling him closer.

Chuck and Lindsey, in the third row seats, just watch in silence. "Fuck," Barney sobs, as Gordon kisses his forehead, "I didn't--they weren't supposed to--be here, this is--bullshit."

"I'm sorry Barney," Lindsey says quietly, and he shakes his head, gritting his teeth.

He knows it's not technically her fault. And he's trying so hard not to be mad at her, to just suck it up and grin and bear it, like always!

But God, just this once, she couldn't keep her mouth shut? For his wedding? If she'd wanted to get hitched behind Ed and Barbie's backs, his lips woulda been sealed.

Chuck clears his throat, and Barney feels Gordon tense up beside him. "It could be w--" Gordon whips his head around to look at him, and Chuck swallows whatever he was about to say, going silent again. Good.

It could be a whole lot better, too, Barney thinks. He coulda just not invited any of em.

---

Rob is nothing if not a good host, and when they reach the house, he carries Chuck and Lindsey's bags for them, up to the guest bedroom. Diane and Gordon stay with Barney, standing over him in Gordon's bedroom. Barney's sat on the edge of the bed, head in his hands on his knees, trying to breathe. Breathing's not hard. He's done it before, plenty. Just inhale and--

He shudders and sobs, shaking his head as Gordon puts a hand on his shoulder. The door opens and then shuts again as Rob joins them. Gordon must be signing, based on how quiet it is, but then Rob speaks up.

"Barney, whatever you want me to do... I'll turn them away, send them packing, if that's what you want. You just say the word."

"I don't know," Barney chokes. Because he does, he hates his family, especially right now--days before his wedding, he hates them!

But they're also his family, and he's spent the better part of his life chasing their love, their approval, and something twists in him now, whispers in his ear that he needs his family to be there, to witness his love for Gordon, that that'll somehow change their minds and make them love him.

Diane crouches in front of him, taking his hand and rubbing it. "It's okay, Barney," she tells him, as he sobs. "You don't have to decide anything right now."

"Nnnno, Gordon, that's not great," Rob says softly, and Barney lifts his head to see the murder in Gordon's eyes, the way his hands tremble as he signs. He doesn't catch whatever he said first, but he gets the gist of it. Gordon's pissed. He wants these people gone.

<I've done it before, I'll do it again.>

"I'm sorry," Barney sniffles, and Gordon shakes his head, pulling him into a hug.

"You haven't done anything wrong, Barney," Rob tells him, as Diane straightens up.

"I'm going to go make sure our guests are settling in," she says, stopping to kiss Barney on the top of his head first. "You let us know, okay? Whatever you want to do." She leaves, and Rob sits down on Barney's right, rubbing his shoulder.

"I'm okay," Barney lies, voice hoarse. "'M fine. Jus'... just need to get through this."

Gordon takes his hand, as Rob wraps him in a hug, kisses his temple. "Take your time," he says. "I'll give you some space.

Barney nods, sniffling, as Rob stands and leaves him with Gordon. He squeezes Barney's hand, then signs, hands faltering, unsure.

<Do you want them here?>

Barney bites his lip, ashamed. He can't say no, but yes isn't an option either. "Sorry," he chokes, by way of answer.

<It's okay, Barney,> Gordon signs.

"No, I'm.. I'm so sorry, Gordo--"

<No one is upset with you. It's alright.> He presses their foreheads together, rubbing Barney's shoulder.

"Jus' feel awful," Barney admits. "I want... to not want them here, but..."

<It's okay.>

That doesn't mean that it feels okay, though. Because, Barney reminds himself, this is Gordon's wedding too. It should be about what he wants, too, and he knows that Gordon wants to chase his family off, hurt them for hurting him, make them never come back into his life--

Barney closes his eyes as Gordon murmurs in his ear, I love you, it's okay. I love you.

---

Lindsey looks miserable, which makes Barney feel a tiny bit better. He's never really known his sister to fake her smiles, but she's doing so now, nodding and smiling faintly as she and Chuck sit in the middle of the couch. Rob's in his armchair, Diane's at the end of the couch, and Barney and Gordon are on the loveseat opposite, under the tv.

It's unbearably awkward. The air feels stuffy around them, and it's only going to get worse when the rest of the Calhoun clan arrives, Barney knows. To say he's not looking forward to it would be the understatement of the decade, at the very least.

"What do you do for a living, Chuck?" Rob asks, steepling his fingers. Chuck squirms, glances at Gordon and Barney, then looks back to Rob to answer.

"I'm a veterinary... technician."

"Ah, a vet tech," Rob says, nodding. One of his eyebrows is up, and his voice and face are friendly as he continues. "Not a veterinarian?"

"No sir," Chuck says, and Rob doesn't correct him like he did Barney, months ago.

"Well, I suppose that doctorate can be a pesky thing to achieve," Rob says, still smiling at him. Chuck stammers and falls silent, face red. "And Lindsey?"

"I'm a... homemaker," Lindsey says, already blushing under his scrutinous eye.

"Do you two have any children?" Diane asks, chin resting on her palm.

"No, but--" she glances at Chuck, who doesn't say anything. "We're expecting, in October."

"Just one?" Diane asks, and Lindsey blinks, nods slowly.

"What do you folks--" Chuck starts to speak, and Gordon fixes him with a glare that shuts him right back up. The room is quiet for a moment. Rob continues to smile warmly at the couple on the couch. Diane hides a wry grin.

Barney almost feels like laughing. He lifts his head as Doug approaches to give him his tennis ball, then looks over at the couch. His hackles raise as he sniffs at Chuck and Lindsey, and a growl worms up out of his throat, low and warning.

Chuck looks exceptionally nervous at that. "Oh, Doug doesn't bite us," Rob assures him. Gordon quakes with a silent laugh.

"G...good," Chuck says, as Lindsey holds a hand out to Doug. He only growls louder, standing between Barney and the coffee table like a shield.

It's all very amusing, up until the doorbell rings. Barney tenses and Gordon takes his hand, as Rob gets up to answer the door. Doug turns to look, and then darts towards the door, barking madly, snapping his teeth.

"Good boy, Doug," Rob says, opening the door. Lauren and her boys are right there, and she's trying to keep the older one from ringing the doorbell repeatedly. Doug growls, but sniffs at the kids and sits down, biding his time. "You must be Lauren."

Diane hops up to help him greet their other guests, giving Chuck and Lindsey a brief respite from her scrutiny. "Come on in," she says, patting Doug's head, as Lauren and her boys scoot past the dog.

Dan walks in after her, and if Doug was mad before, now he goes ballistic. Rob hangs onto his collar as Doug snaps his bared teeth, rage in his eyes. Gordon kind of snorts, then looks away from the door and back to Barney.

<It'll be okay.>

Barney nods, even though no, no, it won't be okay. This is his worst nightmare, his family invading Rob and Diane's beautiful home, intruding on his life. On his marriage.

Ed pauses in the doorway, eyeing the giant, enraged beast of a dog. "He doesn't bite," Rob says, letting go of Doug's collar so that he can lunge at Ed. Ed takes a half step back, then stands firm as Doug sniffs at his legs, snarling. "Well, come on in, make yourselves comfortable."

Doug howls loudly when Barney's family approaches the couches, making quite the show of growling and then climbing into Barney's lap to guard him. Barbara's nose wrinkles at the sight of a dog on a couch. Or maybe it's the sight of her son, holding hands with his fiance.

Rob settles back into his armchair, Diane leaning on the side of it. Barney's parents settle in on the couch with Lindsey and Chuck, while Dan stands and Lauren convinces her kids to settle down, sit on the floor, and look at the doggy.

"Why don't we lay down some ground rules first," Rob says, voice friendly. He's smiling, and his eyes sparkle, but Barney can see that he's tamping down some barely contained rage right about now. Ed raises an eyebrow. The tension is too thick to be cut; you'd need one of those infomercial knives that can slice through brick to do anything about it.

"No smoking in the house," Rob begins, and everyone takes a breath; oh, good, he's not going to say anything uncomfortable.

"And seeing as how this is a gay wedding," Rob continues, and the tension floods back in, "between our sons, I don't think there'll be any need for any kind of bigoted behavior." His eyes are on Dan. "If you're going to crack "jokes" about Barney being the 'bride,' or wearing 'the dress,' we don't need you here."

Dan eyes him back, then looks away, shrugging.

"I'd like a response when I'm talking to you," Rob says, and Diane's mouth twitches.

"Yes sir," Dan drawls.

"Well now, hang on," Chuck says, trying to mediate a fight that's not there. "There's nothing wrong with joking."

"This is my house," Rob assures him firmly. "I make the rules here."

A shiver runs up Barney's back, and he's not the only one. All of the Calhouns, Chuck and Dan included, look viscerally uncomfortable at that. They've heard that line before. Only Ed is unfazed.

"We don't tolerate homophobia under our roof," Diane says, hand on Rob's shoulder, "and we won't tolerate it around our boys either."

Barbara purses her lips when she says our boys, as if she wants to say something sharp. Ed pats her knee.

"Sounds good," he says. Agreeable. He's a smart man, Edmond Calhoun, he knows to play his cards close. Hell, he's been able to hide his treatment of Barney for a couple decades, he's not about to show his true colors now. "Anything else we should know?"

Rob steeples his fingers, smiling again. "There'll be no violence in our home, either. We don't believe in hitting our children."

"Course not," Ed says, and turns to Lauren. "You don't spank your boys, right sweetie?"

Lauren, who has a hand over her older boy's mouth to keep him from talking, shakes her head. Dan snorts, rolling his eyes.

"I don't see how it's anyone's business," Barbara says through thin lips, and Ed taps her leg again to shut her up.

"Well, seeing as how you're guests here," Diane says, and then gestures with a shrug and a smile.

The conversation is clearly over, and the Calhouns sit uncomfortably for a minute as Rob and Diane look them over, as if they're checking for any weaknesses. "Well, you all must be starving," Rob says. "Ed, if you'd like, we can meet you at the restaurant."

"Sounds good," Ed says, starting to stand. The tension dissipates a bit, slowly, as Rob and Ed shake hands--as if they've reached some kind of polite middle ground, but Rob is gripping Ed's hand so hard it looks like it hurts--and Lauren's older boy wriggles free and starts doing impromptu parkour off the couches. Lindsey and Chuck stand, the latter stopping to talk quietly with Dan a bit. Slowly but surely, the Calhouns head for the door to pile into their rentals, and it's just the Freemans again. And Barney. He's feeling more and more sure about "Barney Freeman" now.

"I'm okay," he says, when the Freemans all turn to look at him. "I'm... it's okay."

"We'll be there with you the whole time," Rob assures him.

"I know."

They head for the sedan, and Diane backs them out of the driveway, leaving Doug to gaze at them from the living room window, ball in his mouth.

---

Somehow, despite leaving after the Calhouns did, Diane gets them to the restaurant first. Barney starts to feel panic welling up inside him again, so Rob takes him aside, talking him through it, while Diane uses the bathroom and Gordon holds their table. He's peeking at the menu when Lauren and Dan walk into the restaurant, spy him, and head over, hesitant.

He gives them a little <Hello,> when they approach.

"Hi," Lauren says, unsure.

"God, this faggot," Dan spits. He eyes Gordon, licking his lips. "Shoulda killed you when I had the chance."

Lauren snorts as she sits down, on Dan's other side. "Shut up, Dan, he might be able to read lips."

Gordon keeps his face neutral, humming tunelessly as he flips through the menu. Lindsey and Chuck join them, herding Lauren's children for her, and Ed and Barbara after that. Gordon sits by, signing greetings and curses at them as the Calhouns seat themselves at the three pushed-together tables.

Dan looks over his shoulder, towards the door. "Don't worry, Ed, it's just the deaf fag for now," he says, and Ed laughs, clapping his son in law on the shoulder. Gordon smiles faintly, as if he's not understanding. Lindsey bites her lip, focusing on her menu.

"I should kill that boy," Ed says after a minute, perusing the menu. "Don't know what he told those freaks..."

"He's always been a liar," Barbara says, clicking her tongue.

"Maybe we can," Dan says. "We could finish the job. No more wedding." He smiles at Gordon, wraps an arm around the back of his chair and leans in, so close he could kiss him. Gordon smiles at him. "We're going to kill you," Dan tells him, and then makes a little gunshot noise with his mouth, "ptchew!"

Gordon nods, smiling so innocently, and gestures to his ear with a shrug. Dan shudders, but his eyes are wild. "Aw, that's too bad," Dan says, leaning closer, "faggot."

Gordon shrugs again, trying not to smile too wide, as Dan leans back towards Lauren and Diane joins the table, leaving a chair for Barney next to Gordon. <Did these pieces of shit give you any trouble?> she signs, smiling, and Gordon shakes his head, grinning.

<No, no, don't worry. They think I'm deaf.> Diane laughs, patting his shoulder.

"You speak sign language," Barbara observes, and Diane levels her with a gaze that says you're a very stupid person.

"Of course. It's how my son communicates," Diane says, and Barbie purses her lips, goes hmph.

"Just gotta wonder how Barney communicates," Dan pipes up again, leaning back with his arms crossed. "Can't see him picking up any tricks that neat."

Diane just stares at him, eyebrow twitching despite her forced smile. "Baney signs just fine," she says. Ed snorts.

"Yeah, I bet he's picked up all the words," he mutters.

"Barney's never been bright," Barbara pitches in. "I mean, we knew there was something wrong with him, other than... Well, I wouldn't be surprised if the boy had problems with his head, too."

Diane says nothing, just stares through Barbie like she's considering murder. Gordon is having trouble keeping the hatred off his face, busies himself with reading the menu as Rob and Barney approach. Barney settles in on Gordon's other side, and then Rob takes the empty seat to Barney's right, separating him from the Calhouns.

"You sure you can afford this place, Robert?" Ed asks, eyes on the menu.

"Oh, of course, order whatever you want," Rob says. He grins, leaning his elbows on the table, steepling his fingers. "There's good money to be made, in the sciences."

"Hm," Ed grunts. "Think I'll get the lobster."

"I want lobster," Lauren's oldest says, and she puts her hand over his mouth again, shutting him up.

They order, overwhelming the poor waitress. Ed scoffs, watching her walk off with her notepad to put their order in. He looks like he has something to say, and knowing him, it's she ain't gettin a tip if I have anything to say about it, but he keeps his mouth shut. Behaving.

"Where's the other one," Dan asks at some point, and the polite, forced conversations stop.

"Oh goddammit," Lauren groans. "Coal, go find your brother." She lets go of him and he runs off to find the other kid, leaving just the adults at the table.

"So Barbara," Diane says, and Barbie looks over at her coldly. "What was it you were saying, a while ago?"

Barbara purses her lips, looking at the decor of the restaurant. "I don't recall," she says.

"Something about your family's history of mental illness?" Diane asks, looking very concerned. Gordon chokes on his beer, standing to go use the restroom.

<See you in a minute,> he signs to Barney. Their see you later sign, the one that ends in a finger gun. Then he points the finger gun in Dan's direction, still beaming. He makes a little "ptchew" noise before dropping his hand and heading off to the restroom.

"What is that," Dan asks, looking vaguely uncomfortable and excited, ready to throw down. "What'd he say, what was that, th--gun hand?"

"He's going to the bathroom, and he'll see us in a minute," Barney says. It's the first thing he's said to any of them, but his eyes are still on the table. Dan looks over at him and the sneer crawls back onto his face.

Coal and Cade come running back, past Gordon, and Cade scrambles into a chair as Coal describes to Lauren something he'd seen in the kitchen while looking for his brother. She sighs, putting a hand over his mouth again. Ed eyes the boy, face sour. Barney knows that look.

"What did you see in there, son?" Rob asks Coal, and the boy blinks, as if shocked to be asked to speak.

"Don't encourage him," Lauren begs.

"I saw a monster," Coal says, staring at Rob. "It had rubber bands on its hands." He snips at Cade with his own lobster claws, and Rob nods.

"Pipe down, boy," Ed says, and Coal clams up. Barney swallows the lump in his throat, looking to Diane for help. Save him. "Children should be seen and not heard," Ed clarifies, as if that's going to be a popular opinion.

"Actually, allowing children to speak their minds assists in their development," Diane says, smiling at him like he's stupid. Ed scoffs. "Maybe it'll help prevent some of those mental health issues," she says, beaming.

Gordon returns to the table as appetizers are being served, settling back into his seat next to Barney. <How are you doing,> he signs, unfolding his napkin to put it in his lap.

<I'm okay,> Barney says.

<Are you hungry?> Gordon asks him, and Barney shrugs.

<I don't feel like I could eat, even if I wanted to.> Barney sighs, and Gordon rubs his hand, leaning over to kiss him.

"Careful," Rob says, as Ed chokes on his disgust. "Those jalapeno poppers can be spicy."

"Right," Ed growls. "Yup."

Dan has his lip curled, and Barbie just looks upset. <Tell them to eat shit,> Gordon says to Barney, and he snorts a bit.

<Why don't you tell em yourself.>

"Well, would you look at that," Dan says, watching them. "So you can--" he waves his hand in some gross, poor imitation of signing. "Good job. I guess you can pick up a few tricks."

Diane and Rob just kind of stare at him, their smiles forced and twitching. "Barney is actually fluent in American Sign Language," Diane informs them. "He learned it for Gordon."

Dan only looks more disgusted by that. "I'm guessing he knows all the important words for what they do," Dan says, and Ed's lips curl in a smile.

"He is fluent," Diane says firmly, as Gordon pats her shoulder to calm her.

"So Dan," Rob says, lifting his beer to take a sip. "What do you do, other than think about gay sex?"

The table falls silent. Barney's trying not to choke. Dan stares back at Rob, shocked into silence.

"He works at dad's slaughterhouse," Lauren supplies.

"Oh, I see," Rob says, "interesting." Dan's still gaping at him, stunned.

"I suppose that's honest work," Diane says, and Dan stares at her too.

Gordon coughs into his napkin, takes a long drink of water to try to hide his laughter. Barney's got his head down again, quaking with amusement.

Ed's silent for a long moment, then laughs, a little "heh." Not even he's going to back Dan up, it appears.

"I'm the senior hand at the slaughterhouse," Dan says, treading carefully. "I oversee--"

"Food's here," Ed says, disinterested.

"Don't talk about work at dinner," Lauren says to Dan.

"Why?"

"It's disgusting," she snaps, as the waitress sets her steak in front of her.

The party eats in relative quiet. Even Cade and Coal, sensing the mood, keep their mouths shut. Rob and Diane continue to talk to one another, and their boys, throughout the meal.

"Barney, Gordon said you received level three access, a couple months back," Rob says, and Barney looks up from his food.

"Oh, uh, yeah. I've got clearance now--" Ed snorts, shaking his head. Barney licks his lips, pressing on despite his thumping heart. "I've got clearance for the entirety of the facility now."

"That's impressive," Rob says. "We're proud of you, son."

Ed drops his fork, looking revolted. Barney flushes, looking away.

"S'nothin... Gordo's the one doing impressive work."

"Don't write yourself off, honey," Diane says, reaching over to pat his shoulder. Barbara purses her lips, looking away.

They can't even stand to see someone else parenting him, Barney realizes. He sinks down in his seat a bit as Gordon signs.

<I'm going to kill your dad.>

<No you're not,> Barney signs back firmly, shaking his head. <You're not going to prison over that piece of garbage.>

Gordon levels him with the puppy dog eyes and Barney has to look away, chuckling.

<I think we can take him,> Rob signs, and Diane gives an amused little huff, smiling as she takes a drink. <Our odds are pretty good, four against one.>

<Get rid of D A N while we're at it,> Diane signs, and Gordon nods eagerly. The Calhouns watch them, painfully aware that they're being talked about. The table is uncomfortably silent.

Barney snorts, rubbing his face. "You tired, son?" Rob asks, and he nods over Ed's grunt of displeasure.

The waitress brings them to-go boxes and the check, and Rob snatches it away before Ed can look at it. "Leave her a good tip," Diane says, and he nods, pulling cash out of his wallet, counting out one, two, three, four hundreds to slip in with the bill. Ed's eyes bulge.

Lauren and Dan head out to their rental first, Chuck and Lindsey hurrying after them to catch a ride back to the Freemans' house. The Freemans are approaching the sedan when Ed calls out after them.

"Boy! Get over here."

Barney freezes, shivering. It's not a particularly chilly night, but it may as well be January. He turns, despite Rob's protest that he not go over there alone, and Gordon runs after him as he approaches Ed.

Ed eyes him up and down, glances at Gordon.

"We know you don't love him, Barney," Barbara says, and Ed shoots her a look that says shut up, I'm doing it.

Barney inhales sharply, face lighting up with anger. "You can't love him," Ed says. "We get it. You wanted to rub our faces in it, show us how you're a real big man--" he sneers at this point, eyes narrowing. "Real big man," he repeats, "gotta have that faggot's daddy stand up for you, gotta have his mama defend you. We get it."

"You don't have to have a fake wedding just to hurt us," Barbara says, and Ed shoos her off.

"Go get in the car," he says, and Barbie purses her lips, turns to go climb into the rental.

"You don't need to do it, boy," Ed continues. "We could still forgive you, if you'd just drop the charade."

Barney shakes, grabs onto Gordon's hand as he signs something angry and nasty at Ed. He needs something to hold him up, or he's going to drop. "You don't know what you're talkin about, Ed," he spits, watching Ed's hand curl into a fist. "I told you before. I'm in love with him."

"Watch your mouth," Ed snarls.

"What're you gonna do, Dad, hit me?"

Ed flexes his hand, says nothing. His eyes flicker over to Diane and Rob, quickly approaching.

"Go ahead," Barney laughs, "hit me. I know you've been dying to do it."

"Quit actin up, boy," Ed says, and turns to go get in the rental, just as Rob joins them, grabs Barney by the shoulder and hugs him. Ed peels out of the parking lot to head to the hotel, and Barney closes his eyes, letting Rob lead him back to the car.

"That's not happening again," Diane says. "I don't want you boys alone with--any of them. Not again." She's looking at Barney in the rearview mirror as she drives, foot heavy on the pedal, speeding down the highway.

"Diane, watch the road," Rob says, looking back at his future son in law. "Barney. Are you okay?"

Barney bites his lip, nodding. Lying.

"Did he say anything to you--"

Gordon's already signing, spilling it all. Rob's face twists in anger as he gets the story.

"It's okay," Barney says. Lying!

"They don't have to come to your wedding, Barney," Rob says, and Diane nods, eyes back on him in the mirror. "We won't let them, if--"

"I," Barney says, and then licks his lips and shakes his head. "I don't know."

Diane's eyes soften, and Rob nods. "It's okay, honey," Diane tells him. "Whatever you want."

<I want to kill,> Gordon signs. <Please.> He reaches over, and Barney lets him take his hand. His parents must still think he's joking, but all Barney can remember is how he'd stood in the desert, shotgun in hand, spattered with blood. Unflinching. Unrelenting. He might have ended it there, if he'd had the chance.

"So, question," Diane says, "how long are we going to let them believe you're deaf?"

Gordon shrugs. "I just don't want them to say anything that would hurt either of you," she says, and Gordon shakes his head, signs <I'm fine.>

Rob reaches back and pats Barney's knee, eyes on the traffic ahead as they near the exit. "You two aren't going to be alone with them again," he promises. "Whatever you decide, Barney, we'll get you through it."

---

Dan pulls up in the rental just as the Freemans are getting out of the sedan, and Chuck and Lindsey climb out of the truck. Dan and Lauren speed away without stopping to exchange words with Diane and Rob. Just as well. Gordon still looks pretty murderous.

Without Dan around to take his killer instinct on, Gordon instead eyes Chuck with hatred. Chuck squirms, looking unsure about going back into Diane and Rob's house, even as the former invites him in, don't worry about Doug, remember, he doesn't bite us.

"I'm gonna go shower," Barney decides, because he feels gross and grimy and just bad. Chuck looks vaguely uncomfortable when Gordon hops up to follow him, and even moreso when Gordon looks back at him, mimes leveling a pistol at him, making a "ptchew" noise quietly. Rob and Diane either don't see, or decide that it's fine.

"So, how did you two meet," Barney hears Rob ask from the living room, and Doug howls over Chuck's attempt to respond.

Barney's grateful for his fiance's company as he climbs into the shower. He stands in the spray of the water for a long moment, then sighs, sitting down in the tub. Gordon kneels behind him, holding him. "I'm okay," Barney lies, "Just..."

He doesn't elaborate, not while Gordon washes his hair or scrubs his back, cleaning him up. "I love you," Barney tells him, and Gordon signs it back to him.

They just have to get past May first, Barney reminds himself, because then they'll be married, and on their honeymoon, and he can go back to pretending his family doesn't exist to hurt him.

Just until May first. Then it'll all be over.

---

Chuck is a light sleeper. It's hard not to be, sharing a bed with Lindsey; she has a tendency to roll around and kick and sometimes smack him in the face with her flailing hands. He cares about her, but damn. She also snores, and he finds himself awake in the middle of the night, listening to her grumble in her sleep.

The guest room shares a wall with Gordon's bedroom, which Chuck tells himself is fine, it doesn't make him feel gross at all. He's not homophobic or anything. He has friends of that persuasion. Or like, acquaintances. One very normal acquaintance.

A noise comes through the wall and Chuck bolts upright in the bed, holding his breath. He's trying not to listen, but also listening hard, just in case. Because if he can't be sure, if there's any doubt...

Barney's voice comes through the wall, husky and deep with desire. "Can I put it in, babydoll?" he groans, and Chuck flushes from the implications. They are, they're doing things, in the same house as him.

And then the second realization knocks into him. Barney is topping. That seems impossible. He's so short and soft and gay, there's no way that's happening. Chuck has half a mind to go peek and see for himself what's really going on here--but he also really doesn't want to see that.

He hears Gordon, the other guy's voice, all breathy and soft and pleased. He hadn't expected that, for tall, bearded Gordon to sound so...

What's the word he's looking for? He knows what Dan would say, he's got a fag voice. Feminine, there it is. He sounds so gentle.

Lindsey rolls over with a snort and throws her arm over his lap. Chuck pushes her arm back over to her side of the bed, as one of them cries out wordlessly. He scowls, laying back down, and covers his ears with his pillow. The last thing he hears is Barney shushing Gordon, chuckling, "shhh, shh baby, we got guests..."

How're they supposed to get any sleep with that going on?

---

Chuck keeps eyeing him at breakfast. Barney avoids making eye contact, just signs to Gordon and eats his food. There's a pit in his stomach, and he's starting to worry that they weren't as quiet as they'd thought, last night.

But Chuck doesn't say anything. He just eats his eggs in silence.

"The bed in your guest room is really comfortable, Mrs. Freeman," Lindsey says. Diane smiles at her.

"Doctor Freeman, actually," she says, and Lindsey blushes a bit, stammering an apology.

"So you're all doctors," Chuck says, putting one and one and one together to make three. Gordon looks at him, eyes fiery and dangerous. "That's interesting," Chuck says quietly, looking away from him.

"Mine and Barney's sister is getting her PhD," Lindsey says.

"Really? What is she studying," Rob asks, and Lindsey relaxes a bit.

"Social work."

Diane looks like she very much would like to say something about Lauren getting a doctorate to be a social worker, but she just smiles and nods, face twitching.

Rob doesn't laugh, but it looks like he'd like to as he presses Lindsey with questions, first about Lauren, and then her own background, her aspirations, her hobbies. "You do have hobbies, right?" He asks, and Lindsey nods dumbly and informs him that she rides horses competitively.

"I've been thinking of going back to school," Chuck says.

<You are so fucking stupid,> Gordon signs. <Never speak again, coward.>

Diane beams at him, as Barney drinks coffee to keep from laughing too hard.

"Chuck, we... haven't discussed that," Lindsey says, and Chuck glances at her.

"Well, I just decided it," he says, chewing.

"We have a baby on the way, Chuck," she reminds him, "and Daddy says he's not going to pay our way forever--"

"Pumpkin, I have my career to consider too."

Rob watches them, smiling gleefully as they argue back and forth, quietly. "Excuse me," Lindsey says suddenly, moving to stand. "Doctor Freeman, I can help with the dishes."

Diane stands as well, letting Lindsey help her gather up the breakfast dishes. Chuck sighs, wiping his mouth on his napkin, and sets it on the table.

"So you're thinking of becoming a veterinarian," Rob supplies, and Chuck pauses.

"Well, I'm a vet tech."

"But you're considering becoming a real vet," Rob says. Chuck eyes the tablecloth.

"Yeah, uh... I've been considering it."

Rob's almost having too much fun with the coward, Barney thinks, as Gordon puts a hand on his shoulder, leaning over to kiss him. Chuck eyes them sharply.

Yup, too loud last night, for sure.

---

The Calhouns come over unannounced, about half an hour later. Rob and Diane are down in the living room with Chuck and Lindsey, keeping them occupied, while Barney gets dressed and Gordon gets into a shower.

The doorbell rings, and the Freemans share a look. Diane gets up to answer, Doug following behind, already whining angrily.

"Good morning Edmond," she says, holding the door open. "We weren't expecting you so soon, or we would have saved you some breakfast."

"No need," Ed says, "we ate at the hotel. Barbie wanted to see her boy."

Diane's eye twitches when she turns back to Rob. He can see it in her face, the 'are you kidding me, what a bad liar' look. Doug growls.

"Well come on in!" she says, and the Calhouns file into the house. Cade wriggles out of his mom's grasp almost immediately, and can be heard scampering up the stairs, Doug hot on his heels and woofing softly. Lauren sighs.

"I'm gonna go get him," she announces, then glances at Coal. "Stay. Don't touch anything."

She reaches the top of the stairs to find two rows of shut doors. Lauren clicks her tongue, approaching the first on the left, opening it to peek in. Closet, no kids in there. The next door on the left opens with a cloud of steam, and Gordon stares back at her, a towel wrapped around his waist.

"Hey," Lauren says, and he lifts a hand nervously. Her eyes land on the scars on his chest, and her face twists in confusion for a moment--where'd a nerd like this get such sick scars? They're so neat and even, too, in fact, it's almost like he'd had surgery to remove--

"Oh my god," Lauren says, out loud, as Gordon fumbles with his hands to try to talk to her. She shuts the bathroom door, holding it closed as Gordon rattles the knob.

"What're you doing?" Cade asks from behind her. Doug is sniffing his hair, wagging his tail.

"Nothing," Lauren says quickly. "Go downstairs and sit with your brother."

Do his parents know? Is the first thing Lauren thinks, and then she shakes her head. Duh. Of course they know, if he's their kid. They must be so disappointed, that their son--is it still right to call him their son, even? She's not sure on that, what she's supposed to call Gordon.

The doorknob goes still in her hand, and Lauren lets go of it, turning in time to find Barney coming out of a bedroom on the right. "Hey..." he says, nervously, as she takes him in.

She kind of sees him in a new light.

"Is everyone here?" Barney asks, and Lauren swallows, nods.

"Yeah, everyone's downstairs."

"Great, cool..."

Why didn't you say something to us, she wants to ask, why didn't you tell us your fiance was a woman, but the words don't come out. It's not that she's scared, or embarrassed, or doesn't want the answer, but...

She's saving it.

Diane reaches the top of the stairs and smiles, coming to stand by Barney's side and pat him on the back. "How're you feeling, sweetie?" she asks, and he just nods. "You ready to come down?"

"Yeah, I'm good," Barney says, heading for the stairs. Diane directs her smile towards Lauren now, and Lauren's got enough experience with passive aggression to recognize the danger behind that look.

"My son is in the shower, but you can use the bathroom downstairs," Diane says, "if you need to." She gestures for Lauren to follow her down the stairs, and Lauren does just that, tucking away her new intel for later. Ammunition, if they need it.

---

Gordon doesn't come downstairs to join them, and Barney is sort of starting to worry. Not just because he's alone--well, he's got Diane and Rob and Doug, who won't get off his lap--but because it's not like Gordon, to abandon him like this. He feels guilty immediately for even thinking of it that way. Gordon's just shaving, he reasons with himself. Probably doesn't even know the Calhouns are here yet.

"Does anyone need a drink?" Rob asks, standing up from his armchair. Dan looks over at him.

"I'd take a beer," he says. Barney covers his laugh with a cough. God, and they think he's the alcoholic.

"Sure, it's five o'clock somewhere," Rob says, agreeably. "Come pick out what you want."

"I second that," Ed says. He stands, and Dan follows, as Rob leads them into the kitchen.

Rob leads them out to the garage, where the second fridge lives, stocked full of beer and sparkling waters. "Take your pick," he says, holding the door open for Ed and Dan to choose their brews. Dan cracks his beer open, takes a long chug from it, and sighs happily.

Rob stands between the two of them and the door to the kitchen, smiling like a good, polite host. "I know what you did," he says, so friendly. "I know what you tried to do, to my son. My boys."

Ed raises an eyebrow, but says nothing. Dan inhales sharply, narrowing his eyes. "If you ever lay a hand on either of those two, ever again," Rob says, and Dan cuts him off with a snort.

"What're you gonna do?"

"I'd be careful if I were you, little guy," Rob says, looking down at him. Dan flushes a deep red, looking away.

Ed is still silent. "You try to hurt my son... either of them, in any way," Rob continues, "I'm going to kill you both."

Ed nods, takes a sip from his beer. "Roger that."

"Glad we're in agreement," Rob says, standing aside to let them back into the house. Ed steps past him into the kitchen, and Dan stands there a moment, fuming.

"No need to be such a silly boy," Rob says, and claps Dan on the shoulder. He flinches.

---

Barney's in the kitchen with Diane, fetching iced teas for the rest of the guests. The ladies, the kids, and Chuck, who was in the bathroom at the time of beer-fetching. Diane pulls a tray down from a high shelf and arranges glasses on it, and a pitcher of iced tea, to take out to the living room. Neither of them speak, but Barney's glad to not be left alone with his sisters.

Gordon raps on the wall by the entrance to the hallway, and Barney looks over at him, starts to speak, stops himself as Gordon puts a finger to his lips. "I'll be right back," he says to Diane, "bathroom." She nods, taking the tray out to set it on the coffee table, as Barney slips into the hallway with Gordon.

<What's up? Are you okay?>

Gordon's hands shake when he finally signs back, <Just nervous.> Barney squints. Gordon doesn't lie often; he's actually kind of bad at lying, because he's so used to being able to sign whatever he's thinking. He's holding something back now, and Barney knows it.

<Did something happen?>

<No.>

<Do you promise?> Barney searches his face, but Gordon just nods.

<I think C H U C K heard us,> Gordon signs after a minute, as if that's his excuse. Barney nods in agreement. He's not buying that that's why Gordon's freaking out, but he'll accept it, for now.

The door to the garage opens and Ed walks right past them. Barney instinctively presses himself against the wall by the door, and doesn't miss the way that Gordon stiffens, grabbing onto his hand. Rob follows a minute later, and Dan brings up the rear, taking notice and pausing to sneer at them. He approaches, eyeing them up and down, gives their clasped hands a long, lingering look.

"So you ran cryin to daddy, huh Gordon?" he hisses, quietly, leaning close. Barney bristles.

"He can't keep an eye on you forever," Dan promises, lip curled. "You just wait. I'll get another chance." He puts his hand out in a fingergun, presses his fingertip to Gordon's forehead, and mimes pulling the trigger. "Ptchew!"

"Back off," Barney warns.

"Oh sweet, stupid Barney," Dan laughs. "What're you gonna do about it? Cry at me?" He licks his lips, about to say something else.

"Dan?" Lauren calls from the other room, and he straightens up.

"See you ladies in a bit," he promises, turning to head back through the kitchen, and Barney notices it again. Gordon flinches. He only has a moment to think about it, because Gordon's heading for the living room, and he'll be damned if his fiance goes alone.

---

They sit and make polite small talk for all of half an hour, sipping at their beers and ice teas. It's almost painfully uncomfortable for everyone involved--good, Barney thinks, he's glad his family feels weird here. He hopes they feel like outsiders. Interlopers. Intruders.

"What is there to do around here?" Barbie asks, sipping her tea with disdain. "For the boys. I don't suppose there are--outdoors things, around here."

"We have the outdoors, yes," Diane says.

"I just mean, it's not as if y'all have horses," Barbie says, looking over at her like gosh, ain't you just the sweetest, stupidest thing!

Diane's smile twitches so hard, Rob has to take over for her, redirecting attention.

"There are some great parks around here," he says.

"Hm," Barbie says. "Just don't want my grandbabies to get bored."

"There's a pool at your hotel," Barney says, and Barbara shoots him a look, rolls her eyes.

"Edmond, say something to him."

"Watch your tone, boy," Ed warns. Barney flinches, wrinkling his nose. Nobody says anything for a long minute, and then Rob stands, walks up behind the loveseat, behind Gordon and Barney. He puts his hand on Barney's shoulder and squeezes.

"That's a good idea, son," he says, leaning over to kiss the top of his head. Ed visibly stiffens and recoils, and Barbie nearly drops her iced tea. Diane barely covers the glare she gives Barney's parents, forcing a smile.

"Coal, what do you like to do?" she asks, and he stops what he's doing (hanging upside down off the couch) to look at her.

"Movies," he says, shy again now that the focus is being put on him.

"Well, we're not going to a theater here," Barbara says, laughing, as if the greater Seattle area is contaminated. But only in the movie theaters.

"Your grandkids wouldn't be bored," Diane says, smiling so hard, she's squinting. Barbie smiles back at her, just as passive aggressive.

"A movie's not a bad idea," Lindsey pipes up, nervously. "We could take the boys--"

"Coal won't shut up long enough for a whole movie," Lauren says.

"So Lindsey tells us you're in social work!" Diane interrupts, "That's so interesting."

Rob just keeps rubbing Barney's shoulder. Gordon doesn't sign anything.

Lauren raises an eyebrow, nods, and explains her work somewhat, sounding bored with herself. "My thesis explores the ways in which expressions of deviant sexuality arise in victims of childhood abuse."

Crickets. Diane looks over at Rob, head tilted. She's about to snap, Barney thinks. Gordon clutches his hand, squeezing hard.

"Very interesting," Rob agrees carefully. "Why don't we go get some lunch here in a bit and decide where to go from there?"

"Nothing as expensive as last night, I hope," Barbie says. "You can't afford to do that every time we go out to eat."

Rob's face twitches, and his eyes narrow a bit. "The expense is no issue."

Ed stands, setting his beer on the coffee table. "Sounds like a plan," he says, gesturing to Barbara to stand up so he can get by. She uncrosses her legs and stands as well, setting her mostly untouched iced tea down by his beer can. The Calhouns head out. Ed and Barbie and the grandkids in one rental, the daughters and their husbands in the other, and the Freemans climb into the sedan together.

"I'm going to kill them!" Diane announces, as she shuts her car door. "I'm going to start killing!"

<You see?!> Gordon signs.

"Barney, honey, we're sorry," Rob says, turning to look at him. Barney nods. "Are you doing okay?"

"I'm fine," Barney says, letting Rob pat his knee. "I'm just looking forward to the wedding."

"I just want to wipe that smug, passive aggressive, ooooh, I'm such a southern gentlewoman look off her face," Diane growls, driving towards the highway. Rob is trying not to smile.

"Honey, you're speeding."

"I have a right to speed!" But Diane does slow down considerably, running a hand through her hair. "Barney, I'm sorry."

He puts his hands up in a shrug. "You're preachin to the choir, Diane."

---

They drive for about ten minutes in silence; Dan and Chuck in the front seats, Dan driving. Lindsey looks totally deflated in the back, behind Dan, and Lauren stares out the window, pensive. The past two days feel like a lot. She gets it.

No one seems to have anything to say about whatever the hell that was, back at the Freemans' house. Dan seems especially agitated. Mad, Lauren thinks. Probably going to take it out on the boys at some point, with the pointers he's picked up from Ed. Whip those boys into shape so they don't get soft.

Lord knows they need another wedding like this like a hole in the head.

Although... Knowing what she knows now, is it so bad? Lauren's still lost on that. Is it worse for Barney to marry a man, or a woman pretending to be a man? She's wrapped up in these thoughts, chasing hypotheticals, when Chuck clears his throat.

"I, uh.." He starts, and then trails off. No one encourages him to go on, because no one is particularly interested in what Chuck has to say at any given time. "I heard them. Last night."

That piques her interest. Dan laughs, glancing at him. "What, were you up all night, listening at the door?"

"Shut up," Chuck snaps.

"Did all your dreams come true?"

"Barney tops," Chuck says, and Lauren and Dan both choke, for different reasons.

"WHAT?!" Dan howls, swerving on the road. Car horns blare around them, warning. He shrieks with laughter, slamming on the gas and then easing off again. "You're kidding me. No, no no no you're joking. That's a joke--Lauren, are you hearing this?"

"I bet he does," Lauren mumbles.

"Can we not talk about this," Lindsey mutters.

"Hang on, sis," Dan says, "okay, this is a story we need to hear."

"There's not really a story," Chuck says, and then he flushes as he tells them what he'd heard. "Just, uh, Barney askin if he could put it in... and then he was shushin the other guy, when he started moaning too loud." His face is beet red. "They were at it for a while..." The car falls silent after he finishes speaking.

"You had to have misheard," Dan says, "that can't be right. Barney?"

Chuck shrugs. Dan looks at Lauren in the rearview. "Lauren, baby. Your brother--"

"Can we stop talking!" Lindsey protests again, half shrieking.

"Okay, okay, Jesus, Linds," Dan grumbles, returning his focus to the road. He glances at Chuck. "What was his voice like? Gordon's."

Chuck shrugs and mumbles, and Lauren barely catches him. Soft, kinda... Gentle.

"Jesus," Dan gasps, voice shaking. His hands twitch, clutch the wheel until his knuckles go bone white. "Yeah, I'll bet."

Lauren bites her tongue. She has the ammunition, she could take the shot right now. She should. She should shout it at the top of her lungs, and tell Ed, and Barbie.

She's not quite sure why she's still holding onto it, other than that Gordon's parents are so...

Nice? They're nice. Passive aggressive, and they clearly don't like the Calhouns, but they're kind. They've been kind to her own horrible sons, and they love Barney and Gordon so much it's sickening.

There's nothing else holding her back, just the thought that Diane and Robert, somehow or another, have decided to love Gordon despite his... difference. It has her curious about what else; what else will they accept with grace that her parents wouldn't?

She almost wants to stick along for the ride, see how far they'll go.

---

When they reach the restaurant, Diane parks, and the Freemans climb out. Dan pulls up a minute later, and Barney's sisters and brothers-in-law stand around silently in the parking lot with them, waiting for the other rental to arrive. Dan keeps looking at Barney, then Gordon and snickering softly, as Chuck nudges him to shut him up.

Ed finally pulls into the parking lot. The three groups mingle back into two; the Calhouns and the Freemans with Barney. Gordon smiles at Coal when he looks at him, then does a double take. The kid's clearly been crying. He hides in his mom's shadow, trailing along after her as she snaps at him to give her space.

Rob wraps an arm around Gordon's shoulders as they head inside to get lunch. "I see it too," he murmurs in Gordon's ear. Gordon nods, teeth grit.

"Table for how many?" the hostess asks them, looking at Ed.

"Twelve," he says gruffly.

"It'll be about a fifteen minute wait," she informs them, and Ed looks briefly angry, then nods, turning back to the Calhoun clan and the Freemans.

"We could go somewhere else," Barbie says with a huff. Fifteen minutes of her precious time? Say it ain't so!

"We're fine waiting," Rob assures the hostess. The group settles in in the waiting area, where Cade crawls onto Ed and harrasses him into handing over his wallet, to "lookit it." The old man seems to have a soft spot for his younger grandkid. Not so much the older one, who's still sulking with Lauren.

"Is the food here worth it?" Ed asks, and Gordon and Rob stop signing briefly.

"They've got the best french dip in Seattle here," Diane says, looking at Barney. "Barney had it last time."

Barney nods, as Dan speaks up. "French dip for the faguette."

They fall silent, and Rob stands, walking over to Dan. "I thought I warned you, boy," he says, looking down at him, eyes dark. Dan crosses his arms, raises an eyebrow.

"Get up," Rob says, and when Dan doesn't move, Ed sets Cade aside and hauls his son in law to his feet.

"You heard the man. Go on," Ed says, shooing Dan away. Dan stares at him, confused and betrayed, then returns his focus to Rob and his dark glower.

Diane clicks her tongue once as Dan and Rob head outside. Barney looks at her nervously, then to Gordon.

<He pissed my dad off,> Gordon says by way of explanation, as if Barney hadn't been able to see that himself. He's itching to go to the door, peek out and see if they're brawling--he has a hard time imagining gentle, soft-hearted Rob beating anyone up--but he doesn't feel like he can move. Ed is looking straight at him, arms folded. His heart is pounding, and he feels sweaty...

Nope, not here. He's not going to do this here. <Bathroom,> he signs to Gordon, making no move to stand. <Help.>

Gordon gets the message, stands and helps Barney to his feet. He leads the way, holding onto Barney's hand, guiding him to the accessible stall at the end of the bathroom.

<Are you having a panic attack?> he signs, after locking the stall door. He crouches in front of Barney, who just sinks onto the bathroom floor and prays it's somewhat clean.

<Maybe.>

<Did dad scare you?>

Barney bites his lip, shakes his head. <You can tell me the truth, Barney,> Gordon signs, and he bites his lip harder to nod.

<My dad loves you,> Gordon reminds him, then pulls him close and pets his hair.

"I know," Barney chokes. "I jus'--I got nervous."

They sit there for at least ten minutes, until Barney feels like he can stand and act normal without bursting into tears. The rest of their party has been seated, sans Dan and Rob. Gordon sits Barney down next to Diane and seats himself on his fiance's other side.

Rob joins them as the waitress is taking the menus back. He smiles, pats Gordon on the shoulder, then pulls Barney into a hug before he sits down. He's a bit tousled, and he's got blood on the sleeve of his shirt, Barney notes with some degree of horror--just a bit. Just a spatter. Gordon takes Barney's shaking hand and squeezes, kissing his cheek.

"Where's Dan?" Lauren asks. Rob looks over at her, still smiling.

"He'll be waiting in the rental," he says. Lauren just nods, handing Cade crayons to doodle on the kids' menu with.

Coal looks at Rob with something in his eyes akin to awe.

---

Barney barely touches his food, takes most of it home as leftovers. The car ride back to the Freemans' is silent, largely because Lindsey has tagged along. She's in the third row seat alone, staring out the window as they drive--but still, no one dares say anything with her there.

When they reach the house, Lindsey heads upstairs to the guest room, saying that she wants to take a nap. The Freemans congregate in the living room. Barney can't bring himself to look at Rob, because he knows if he does he'll just be drawn to look at the blood on his crisp white sleeve, he'll hear this voice smarling at Dan again, I warned you, boy...

"Barney?" Diane asks, and he hears her, knows he should answer, but he's scared to look at her, too. What if this--this whole thing, has been some kind of sham? Tears burn at his eyes and blur his vision, and Gordon pulls him into a hug, murmuring to him that it's okay.

"Sweetie," Rob starts to say, and stops himself as Gordon signs to him, agitated.

<You scared him bad. At the restaurant.>

Barney peeks around Gordon's shoulder. Diane sits frozen on the bigger couch, putting the pieces together in horror. Rob watches Gordon's hands, his face falling.

Barney squeezes his eyes shut.

This is so uncomfortable, Barney thinks, he feels so bad, so guilty. He knows Rob isn't like that, isn't going to hurt him, just--

"I'm so sorry, Barney," Rob says, and he whimpers into Gordon's shoulder.

"What can we do, honey?" Diane asks, and Gordon shakes his head, rubbing Barney's back. Doug stands up from behind the armchair, grumbling and woofing, and tries to hand Barney his ball.

Barney pulls back from Gordon, wiping his face. "I'm sorry," he chokes, "I need-- I'm gonna go lay down a bit."

Rob and Diane just nod as he stands, as if they're afraid to breathe too hard and knock him down. Gordon follows him, and Barney tries to wave him off, indicating that he needs to be alone, but Gordon persists, until they're back in his room and Barney's lying down.

"I'm sorry," Barney repeats himself. "I--I know your dad's..."

But he doesn't know. What if they're just good at hiding it, better than his family? He didn't get a look at Dan, after he and Rob went outside. Just the spatter of blood on the latter's sleeve, his crumpled clothes and messed up hair.

What if it's the same here as it was back home, and Gordon's just really good at hiding it, but now Barney's here, now Barney can be the punching bag?

The bed dips as Gordon sits on the edge. Barney knows that's not fair to Gordon or Diane or Rob, but he's scared, and right now he's just a kid again, cowering in the cupboard in the basement while Ed storms around looking for him.

Gordon starts to sign something reassuring, and Barney has to know, has to confirm it one way or the other. He gasps out, "Has he ever hit you?" and watches Gordon closely, the way he gasps and stares and flutters his hands in shock, the way his pupils go small and his back tenses, and he's not sure what signal he's looking for, what's going to give it away, but Gordon takes his hands and kisses them, shaking his head so, so sadly.

"Barney," he says softly, and his voice says that he's hurting too, "my d-dad would nnnn, never..."

He knows Gordon's telling the truth, because he's a terrible liar. He wouldn't, couldn't lie about that, not when he struggles to tell fibs like yes, of course I like your shirt.

Gordon kisses his hands again, then leans over to kiss his forehead. "Never," Gordon says again, and Barney nods, closing his eyes.

"Can you tell me somethin else," Barney asks after a while, opening his eyes to look at Gordon. His fiance nods, tilting his head. "What had you so nervous? This mornin, in the hallway."

Gordon's face falls a bit more, but he doesn't lie. He just signs, very carefully, <L A U R E N saw me.>

"What did she see, Gordo," Barney asks, sitting up. Gordon bites his lip, looking away, then back to him.

<My scars,> he signs, and Barney closes his eyes. Okay. Just his top surgery scars, maybe she won't put it together...

No. He knows Lauren's smart, not like Lindsey. She'll have tallied it up already, and she's probably talking to Ed and Barbie and Dan right this moment, to tell them the great news.

<I'm sorry,> Gordon signs when Barney opens his eyes again.

"You don't got a thing to be sorry for," Barney tells him. "It's gonna be okay."

Lying.

---

The topic manages to come up again on the drive back to the hotel, as Dan fumes about "that faggot's fucking daddy," and "never been so humiliated," and "he'll be real lucky if I don't kill him and his son before this is all over." Lindsey has gone with the Freemans, while Chuck is in the truck with them, in the passenger seat.

Dan is heavy on the pedal, tapping on the brakes periodically when he gets too close to other drivers' bumpers. He's never been good at city driving, can't drive the right amount of defensive to save his life, and Lauren can foresee it now, the bill for totalling the rental not a week into the trip.

Not that it matters; Ed'll cover the costs, but...

She's kind of mad too. Not like, mad mad, but embarrassed and--okay, yeah, a little pissed. She'd been curious to see what Gordon's parents would do to protect him, sure, but she hadn't expected Rob to humiliate her husband like that, which in turn humiliated her. Dan didn't tell them what had happened after he'd left the restaurant, but he was all tousled like he'd been shoved around, dirt on his shirt and jeans, and Lauren's just about decided to hell with keeping secrets.

"Fucking Barney," Dan sneers, glancing at the rearview mirror before easing into the lane for the next exit. "Can't fucking believe--God, he sure can pick em, huh."

"I just can't believe that he tops," Chuck says finally. "I mean I know what I heard, but I can't believe that Barney has the balls to do that."

Lauren examines her nails, picking at her acrylics as they come off the highway. "Yeah, well... Probably needs Rob's help for that too," Dan sneers, and then snorts and swerves. He looks at her in the rearview, grinning, and Chuck is laughing. "Gotta get his future daddy's helping hand, if you know what I mean."

Chuck howls with laughter, leaning his head back.

"God, how do they even do it," Dan's asking no one, as he turns to pull into the parking lot for the hotel.

"Well, I'm about 99% sure Gordon has a pussy," Lauren says, and finds she doesn't regret saying it.

Dan slams on the gas, nearly wrecking the rental; he hits the curb hard, jolting the three of them, then slams on the brakes and sits there, half in the driveway to the hotel and half in the road. He's gasping as if he can't breathe, as if he's about to bust up in hysterical laughter, and then just looks at her in the rearview again, eyebrows up.

"Well, Lauren, don't keep us all waiting with our dicks in our hands!"

"Jesus," Chuck laughs.

"I walked in on him coming out of the shower," Lauren says, laughter creeping into her voice. Dan just stares at her for a long time, his smile growing.

"Jeeeeeesus! You're serious?! What did--did you see it? Was--was it fucked up? What'd it look like, baby, don't keep me in the dark."

"I just saw the top half," Lauren admits. "He had scars from, you know. Some kind of surgery. And the way he was acting, he was trying hard to keep me from talking about it with anyone."

Dan licks his lips, giving the truck a little gas to crawl into the parking lot and find a space. "Jeeeesus," he repeats, quietly.

"Well what do we do," Chuck asks, as they're climbing out of the truck. Ed and Barbie are nowhere to be found, so the three of them head for Dan and Lauren's room. "I mean, we gotta tell Ed. Right?" He looks to Dan for guidance.

"Yeah. Yeah, we oughta, but..." He rubs his face, scratches at his scruff. "God damn. I mean, I'm gonna be thinkin about this for weeks," he laughs. "Fuck, I don't wanna tell Ed without proof, though, I mean... If we could show him."

"I could do some snooping," Chuck volunteers after a bit, "maybe they have like... something that proves it."

"Yeah, you do that," Dan says, jamming his keycard into the slot to unlock their door. "Jesus Christ. Yeah, you find something, and we'll put an end to this sham wedding." He licks his lips, heading for the minifridge for a drink. "God, I can't wait to crash that shit."

---

Barbie calls later that day with complaints. First order of business: her grandbabies are bored to tears with Seattle. "Bored to tears," Diane relays, sounding positively distraught. "We can't have that!" Rob chuckles and she rolls her eyes.

"And the boys--the men, that is, they need something to do," Barbie continues, and Diane relays this as well, hand over the mouthpiece of the phone.

"She says her men are too stupid to find something to do on their own."

Rob laughs, and Barney cracks a smile, leaning against Gordon. Gordon wraps an arm around him.

"So I was thinking," he can hear Barbara saying from the other line, "there's nothing to do outdoors around here, but the men--"

"I'm sure we can find some enrichment for the men," Diane says, voice calm, even as her face twitches. "Rob and Gordon could take them hunting."

There's a pause before Barbie responds. "I can't see Rob and Gordon being much help with hunting, Diane."

Diane's smile almost twitches right off her face, and she nods, listening to Barbie go on some more about it; there's simply nothing to do and they're soooo bored. "I'm sure Rob and Gordon can show them a good time," she says. "We're members at a hunt club."

Barney can hear his mother purse her lips from here, but she agrees hesitantly. "But what are us ladies going to do while they're out there," she wonders, and Diane rolls her eyes hard.

"I'm sure we'll figure out something to entertain you."

"Well, I suppose..."

Diane hangs up once they've hashed out some details, and Rob rests his chin on his palm, looking at her over on the couch. "You volunteered us for hunting, hm?"

"She wouldn't stop talking," Diane says simply.

"I didn't know you folks hunted," Barney says, and Gordon kisses his temple and signs.

<My dad and I used to shoot competitively too.>

Barney nods slowly, glancing over at Rob. He's not quite back to being comfortable with him, not yet, and a scary thought is burrowing into his brain with this new development. Something involving Ed, and Dan, and Rob, armed and dangerous, out in the middle of nowhere. With Gordon.

"I don't want to go," he says softly, because he's not quick enough to shut himself up, grin and bear it.

"You don't have to go, Barney," Diane says. "Would you rather stay here? Or you can come with Barbara and your sisters and I. Sounds like she wants to do some museums or something."

"Yeah," Barney says, even as Gordon furrows his brow and signs to ask him why. He just shakes him off, too nervous to look at him.

When they're alone, the begging starts. "Don't go with them, babydoll," Barney pleads, as Gordon settles in on the edge of his bed.

<Why? It's just hunting.>

"You know why--last time those two had us alone, we both almost ended up buried in Texas."

<I won't be alone,> Gordon signs, <my dad is coming too.> Barney bites his tongue, and something dawns on Gordon's face. <Barney.>

"I'm not... saying I don't trust--"

<My dad is not going to let them hurt me, Barney.>

"No, but what if..." Gordon sighs, and Barney trails off. "I'm just scared, Gordo, I don't wanna lose you."

<I know you're having a hard time with this,> Gordon signs, standing to close the gap between them and take Barney's hand.

"I'm just scared," Barney reiterates. "I still have nightmares about my dad, and I--I know Rob's not really going to hurt you, I know that, but I'm still..."

Gordon's giving him the look that says remember when we talked about therapy, and Barney doesn't want to have that talk again, not five days before his wedding. "I'm just gonna, ah... hang out with Diane that day. Alright?"

<You won't get to see me shoot,> Gordon signs with a pout.

"I've seen you shoot enough for a lifetime, darlin."

Speaking of things Gordon has shot, Dan seems none too pleased to be back at the Freemans' bright and early the next morning. He lurks behind Ed as the patriarch makes small talk with Rob, staying mostly out of sight and out of mind. Gordon catches his eye and Dan sneers at him, earning himself a finger gun and a little "ptchew!" in response.

The men gear up to leave, Cade and Coal in tow, leaving Chuck and Barney behind to accompany the ladies--Chuck because Lindsey's got his balls in her purse, Barney because, as Rob claims, Diane wants some help with last minute wedding planning. Ed kind of snorts at that, like he knows better.

They load up their gear and pile into the two rental trucks; Rob and Ed take his truck, and Gordon signs to his dad that <I'll be fine, I've shot Dan before, I can handle him> before climbing into the passenger seat of Dan's rental. He's not worried. Dan's not going to do anything in front of his kids, he knows that.

Dan's not going to do anything, period. He's a coward. Cade and Coal are asleep in the backseat of the cab, and they're maybe half an hour outside of Seattle when Dan speaks up.

"So, uh... You read lips at all?"

Gordon tries not to laugh, just stares straight ahead at the road like he hasn't noticed Dan's attempt at conversation.

"Just curious," Dan says, licking his lips. "Cause I got some shit to say to you."

Gordon almost yells with laughter at that. The coward thinks he can't hear him at all--but by all means, get it off your chest, Dan!

"Hey," Dan says, reaching over with his right hand to wave in front of Gordon's face. "Talking to you." Gordon looks over, smiling, feigning obliviousness. "Fuck, you really don't hear anything, huh?"

He points to his ear sadly, shrugs. "Damnit. Barney really can pick em, huh." Dan huffs, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel, and glances in the rearview at his sons. Cade is waking up, watching him back.

"Nevermind," Dan mumbles, and Gordon looks back out the window, smiling to himself.

Ed, driving the lead car, manages to get them lost three times on the way there. Rob had offered to drive, but of course the Calhoun patriarch had to brush him off. It's fine. Gordon dozes in the passenger's seat, listening to Dan mutter and curse to himself as they bump along some back road after Ed's truck.

Coal wakes up after a while, sits up and stares at the scenery. "Are we lost?" he wonders, and Dan sighs. "Dad?"

"Daddy are we lost," Cade echoes, and Dan shakes his head.

"Ed's just takin the scenic route," he says, then grumbles softly, "don't see why we gotta take the kids with."

Gordon watches him out of the corner of his eye for the last leg of the drive. Dan's kind of quiet, he's figuring out--when he's not peacocking for someone else. He acts up for Ed and the other Calhouns, but he's got no one to impress right now, at least no one that he knows can understand him.

For a second he almost feels bad for the guy, wonders what kind of home life he had to have come from, but the moment passes quickly when Dan catches him looking and curls his lip.

"Eyes on your own paper, Gordon."

Gordon beams and points at his ear again, shrugs helplessly.

Dan checks the rearview again, makes sure his kids are napping before he says anything else. "Don't fuckin wanna do this," he complains to no one. "You know my leg still hurts sometimes? Got a limp from it, you fucker." He sighs. "God, I don't wanna spend all day with Ed. And Rob. Ugh."

<Are you that afraid of my dad?> Gordon signs, holding in his giggles.

"I don't know what you're sayin, I don't wanna know. Some faggot shit."

<Oh, fuck you.>

"You know what your pussy ass daddy did?" Dan asks, glancing over at him.

<Kicked your ass? Pathetic.>

"Slapped me in the face," Dan continues, and Gordon bites down on his inner cheek hard. Funny visual. Won't be as funny if Dan knows he can hear him. "He slapped me, and then he pushed me over, he threatened me, and he held me down on the ground like a damn--I don't know. Pissed me off good."

<You're a sad little man, aren't you?>

"Then Lauren gets on my case, fucking Lauren... You know I married her cause of Ed?" He glances over at Gordon, who's looking out the window. "Yeah, uh, I met Ed first. My daddy made me go work for him when I was in high school--just for a summer. Just workin as a ranch hand that first summer, but he liked me so much, wanted me to stay on... Year or so in, he said he wanted me in the family, said I could have one of his girls." Gordon tries not to choke on the bile in his mouth. "Yeah, think that's the only time my daddy ever respected me... Quit beatin on me long enough to get me a job and a girl, and once I was Ed's golden boy, he suddenly loved me too."

Gordon stares out the windshield at the sign that approaches, announcing the hunting preserve.

"I don't like you," Dan clarifies suddenly, "I don't. I don't like your family. I mean, your mommy and daddy, they're both freaks for just accepting you and Barney. But I..." He trails off. "You know, I guess I'm jealous. Never had that. Probably never gonna. So I really don't get why you would try to waste that. You know? Jeopardizing it, or whatever, runnin around as a queer. Your folks love you, and you're puttin that at risk. It's... selfish." He sighs. "Tell you, my daddy would've whipped me ten ways to Sunday if I came home with a boy. He'd be right to. You know that? And your daddy just pats your head, pats Barney's head, calls you both his boys. It's... gross." He looks over, eyes desperate for some understanding, some response that isn't there. "I mean, what are you gonna do when your folks decide enough's enough? Huh? When your mama's had enough of your queer shit and tells you pack your bags, where are you supposed to go?"

He glances at the rearview again. "I just don't get why you'd waste it."

Gordon's phone vibrates, and he pulls it out of his pocket to check his texts from Barney. Dan glances at him, then back to the road.

BC: are you okay

BC: i know you are but im still kind of freaked out

GF: I'm fine, Dan's telling me his whole tragic backstory.

BC: lol

GF: I love you. I'll text you later, okay?

"Is that Barney?" Dan asks, looking at Gordon again. "God, that's the other thing I don't get. Ed and Barbie talk up how he's just tryin to hurt them, and I get that, I do, but you're so... committed to the act. It's like you actually love him."

<Have you tried therapy,> Gordon signs.

"Are you seriously in love with him?" Dan asks, following Ed's truck into the preserve. "With Barney? You know you could do better, right?"

<Shut up, loser. You'll never be half the man he is.>

"I just don't get it," Dan whines.

<You never will.>

"Just fuckin hate it," Dan mutters, pulling up alongside Ed's truck. Ed looks furious, like he's pissed the drive took so long--as if it weren't his own fault for taking them off course. Rob looks like he's having a great time.

"Where are we," Coal pipes up from the backseat, and Dan sighs and opens his door to climb out without answering. Gordon shoots the kid a sympathetic smile and unbuckles his seatbelt to follow.

Rob and Gordon start grabbing gear out of the back of Ed's truck, and Dan lurks behind Ed again. His boys kick around in the dirt between the two trucks, already bored.

<Any trouble with D A N?> Rob signs, and Gordon shakes his head.

<No, he's just pathetic.>

<Good.> Rob smiles and hands over Gordon's bow, the sight of which makes Ed and Dan's eyes boggle.

"What the hell is that," Dan asks, and Ed smacks him upside the head.

"It's a bow, idiot."

"I know that! Why's--I'm not stupid!"

<Let's agree to disagree,> Gordon signs, smiling.

"Did we forget to mention that?" Rob asks, then turns to Gordon. <Like we're going to hand these morons guns.>

<Fucking idiots,> Gordon agrees.

Ed seems particularly displeased as they head out from the trucks, but he doesn't say anything. Dan grumbles and kicks at the trail, tripping himself more than once. His kids run back and forth along the trail until Ed barks at Coal to calm down, and Cade falls into step beside his brother, silent.

They walk on for a while, through the mid morning. "You alright there Dan?" Rob calls, after a good forty five minutes. "You're limping."

Dan lifts his head to retort, then ducks it. "Yeah, just--leg hurts."

"Suck it up," Ed barks at him. "Sick of hearing you piss and moan about that."

Dan flushes and marches on. Rob falls into step beside Gordon to sign to him.

<Which leg did you shoot him in?>

Gordon has to think about it for a long moment. He's never actually thought about it, didn't really pay attention when he was doing it. <Left, maybe?>

Rob chuckles. <You shot a man and you don't remember?>

<It's fifty-fifty I'm right. I like my odds.> Gordon pauses. <E D doesn't really like him as much as I thought he did.>

<No kidding.>

Ed clears his throat, and Rob looks over, smiling amicably. "Not much further now," he says, before Ed can say a thing about how far they're going.

It's only another fifteen or so minutes before Rob stops them at a tree stand. By this point, Coal and Cade are bored, and Ed's looking fed up with them both. "You guys ever been bowhunting before?" he asks Ed and Dan.

"Yes," Ed says gruffly, like he's annoyed by the implication that he might not have been. Dan just rolls his shoulders in a shrug.

"Good," Rob says, and claps Ed on the back hard. "Gordon, you wanna show Dan the ropes?" He signs it for good measure, to play up the Gordon can't hear angle.

Gordon does not actually want to show Dan anything, but he nods and shoves Dan none too gently towards the ladder of the deer stand to climb up it.

"We're going to head a little further down," Rob informs them, an idea which has Ed looking even more displeased. He signs, <if you have any trouble with this one, just kick him in the bum leg.>

<If I can remember which one it is,> Gordon signs back, and Rob chuckles. Dan and Ed look uneasy. Good, Gordon thinks, as Rob leads Ed and the boys further along the trail. They should be.

Dan is silent as Gordon hands him an armguard, signs <put that on, idiot.> He rolls up his sleeve and slides it on over his wrist backwards, tightening it, watching Gordon sign words that he can't possibly understand. Gordon knows he should probably care; if Dan gets a chance to shoot and ends up hurt, he might get scolded for it--but he doesn't. Just signs instructions and insults as Dan watches him, eyes flickering between his hands and his face, as if he might be able to figure it out with enough time.

<Got it, moron? Now sit still and be quiet.> Gordon puts a finger to his lips to drive that point home. Don't talk. Should be easy enough to understand.

He's a little miffed that he has to spend his day with Dan of all people. He likes shooting, likes going out with his dad to hunt, but if he's got to spend the whole time with this creep...

Dan lasts about half an hour before he has to start up the introspection again. "Nice of your daddy to teach you this kind of stuff," he says, and Gordon shushes him. Dan purses his lips, nods, and doesn't say anything else for about five minutes.

"My daddy--"

<Shut up,> Gordon signs sharply. Dan looks at his hands, back to his face.

"Used to hunt," Dan continues, and Gordon sighs loudly.

<If there's anything worth hunting out here, you're going to scare it away. Shut up.>

"I don't know what you're sayin," Dan says, and Gordon shushes him again. "Can you--"

Gordon pulls out his phone, pulls up the screen to add a new contact, and holds it out to him. Dan stares at it, glances at Gordon's face, and reaches a shaking hand out to take the phone, start punching in his number. The idiot's excited, Gordon realizes. Like he thinks they're about to become friends or something. <Thank you,> he signs, then taps out a text to the number Dan added and hits send. Dan watches him, then pulls his phone out to receive the text. He reads it, his face falling.

We are out here to hunt. Not to talk. If you don't shut up you're going to scare off everything in a hundred mile radius and we're going to go home empty handed. Is that what you want Ed to see? Shut the hell up already and stop talking to yourself.

Dan puts his phone away and doesn't say anything again for a long time. Gordon pulls up his texts with Barney instead.

GF: He is so annoying. Should I push him out of the deer stand?

BC: yes

GF: :D

It's close to ten am when something wanders into their neck of the woods. Gordon takes up the bow, calm and cool, even with Dan watching him. The three point stag picks its way carefully across the forest floor, and Gordon breathes easy as he lets an arrow loose straight into its head.

Dan is totally silent, just stares at him like he's never seen him before. Gordon hands him the bow and hops down to go deal with his kill.

By the time he returns, Dan has typed him up a little text message that he wants to know how to shoot. Gordon scowls reading it, then relents with a sigh.

He's not shy about physically maneuvering Dan into the stance he wants. He guides him in his grip, hand over Dan's, feeling how the other man jolts and trembles, like he's still afraid Gordon might shoot him again. His chest is nearly flush against Dan's back, holding his right elbow where he wants it. Dan holds his breath at first, and Gordon snorts, blows in his ear. Breathe, you moron. And Dan does; his breath hitches and then he forces himself to inhale and exhale, shaky as he is.

Gordon gets Dan to pull the string back, targeting a tree some twenty feet out and release--"ow, fuck!" Dan hisses, when the string snaps his arm and misses the guard. Gordon chuckles, stepping away from him. Dan turns and watches him, frowning slightly, and taps something out of his phone again.

I missed. Can you show me again?

Rob comes around to check on them a little before noon. <I see you've been busy,> he signs, and Gordon nods. < D A N give you any issues?>

<Oh, he has plenty of issues. But no.>

Rob laughs. <Are you about ready to head to the truck?>

<Yeah.>

"Let's go then. Daniel," Rob calls, and Dan lifts his head. "We're heading back. You can help haul."

They're not back on the road until after one pm. Cade wants to go with his grandpa in the other truck, and Coal whines until Ed relents that he can ride with them too. Gordon settles into the passenger's seat of Dan's rental, where they drive in silence for the first twenty or so minutes.

"You're a pretty good shot," Dan says finally, apparently deciding that Gordon's shut the hell up from earlier has worn off. He pauses. "Guess I knew that already, huh?"

Gordon keeps his eyes on the road. "Real strong guy too, huh. Man, you'd almost be good to hang out with." A pause, and Dan licks his lips. "So did Rob and Diane teach you how to shoot, or are you just that good at it?" Gordon tries not to roll his eyes, ends up glancing sharply over at Dan just in time to make eye contact.

Something in his eyes--Gordon's not sure what it is, actually. But it's there, and it's desperate: some conveyance of awe, of genuine want for human connection, of loneliness. It's absolutely pathetic. It's terrifying to look at for too long. He doesn't know what specifically Dan wants, but there's a type of intense longing there. Gordon shivers, goosebumps crawling up his arms, and quickly looks back at the road ahead. Dan stops talking.

---

They arrive back at the Freemans' home just before the other party arrives. Ed's in a visibly sullen mood, slamming the door to his rental truck on his way out. Rob pretends not to notice and tasks the boys with entertaining Doug while they unload. Gordon starts to unbuckle his seatbelt to hop out.

"Gordon," Dan says, and Gordon almost forgets he's supposed to be deaf, almost pauses. He catches himself and throws the door open, even as Dan grabs his sleeve.

"I, uh. Thanks for showing me how to shoot."

Gordon points to his ear, shrugs, and Dan sighs. "Yeah... I know. But I had fun."

"Dan, get out here," Ed calls, and Dan unbuckles his seatbelt and climbs out to go help. Gordon's climbing out of the rental when Diane's sedan pulls up into the driveway. He locks eyes with Barney, who hops out as soon as the car's stopped to go to him.

<You alright, darling?>

<Yeah. Just tired.>

<How was it?> He searches Gordon's face for something, some indicator that's not there.

Gordon sighs. <Your brother in law is an idiot.>

<I know.>

<He has issues.>

<Yeah...>

<But it was fine.> Gordon smiles at him, leans in to kiss his cheek. <How was the city,> he asks, as they head for the house.

<Oh, peachy. My mom made it a real fun trip, and Lauren was there to brighten all our days.> Gordon snorts, and Barney shakes his head. <It was alright. It was good to spend some time with Diane.>

Gordon takes his hand and lifts it to kiss his knuckles. <Did Mom tell you her theories about the Seattle Art Museum exhibits?>

<Yeah.>

<And you still wanna marry me?>

Barney laughs and kisses his jaw. <You're not getting out of it that easy.>

---

The days leading up to the wedding pass by without the hammer coming down. If anything, that seems to make everything more tense. Dan doesn't come back around the house during the week, as far as Barney knows, and that makes him kind of nervous too. He doesn't care about Dan, whatever, but what if he's planning something? What if he shows up on the day of the wedding and hurts someone?

And Ed has made no indication that he knows about Gordon, even the day before the ceremony. None of them have said anything about it. That part's just confusing. Here he'd been expecting to get in a whole screaming match about sinning and abominations and maybe he'd get to put his dad in his place, knock his lights out for Gordon.

But the last few days go by without anything really changing. Even on the trip to the art museum, none of them had said jack to him about Gordon. He doesn't get it. His family loves hurting him. They have the perfect ammunition.

Why not take the shot?

Lindsey, at least, has been trying. Barney appreciates that about her, she'll do her best to empathize. She's been helping with wedding prep, which is mostly done. At the very least, her eagerness to help has put her somewhat closer to being in Diane's good graces.

Gordon's with them now, going over some last minute changes to the flowers--there's some sort of shortage, which Barney doesn't get, but he's not the smart guy in this partnership. Marriage. Tomorrow they'll be married.

He's trying to focus only on that, not on Rob, seated in the armchair to his side. Rob's been handling him with kid gloves since the thing at lunch, which is nice and all, but Barney's pretty sure it's just making it harder to be around him.

There's a knock at the door, and Rob stands to go answer it. Barney sips his coffee, looking over when he hears Lauren's voice.

He's got one hell of a bone to pick with her.

She doesn't have the boys, and Dan's not with her, which means he's probably been landed with babysitter duties. That, or he's passed out in bed while the boys watch tv and trash the hotel room.

"Hey sis," Barney says, as she follows Rob into the living room.

"Hey," Lauren echoes, moving to sit down. Barney clears his throat.

"Can I talk to you? For a minute. Alone." She looks him up and down, raising an eyebrow. Rob looks at Barney carefully, like are you sure about that, son?

"Okay," Lauren says, and Barney stands, leading her to the hallway. There, he pauses, rubbing his temples, trying to force his brain to make words.

"Why... haven't you told anyone," he asks finally, looking up at her. Lauren returns the gaze, steady, unyielding, and shrugs.

"Why haven't you?"

"Because it's none of y'all's business," Barney says pointedly. Lauren shrugs, gesturing in a well then there you have it motion. "Look, I--I don't know what you're planning, or how you think you're gonna ruin my wedding, but--"

"I'm not planning anything," Lauren says flatly.

"I know you. I know you go running to dad, tell him my every move. Y'all are only here because you took Lindsey's phone, snooped, and told Ed. Ain't that right?"

Lauren shrugs, unaffected. "Sure."

"You--you're a real piece of work," Barney sputters, because this isn't going how it's supposed to at all. How can she be so cold?

"You let me know when that high horse gets too hard for you to ride, little brother," Lauren says, and Barney flushes, sputters some more. She heads through to the dining room, where Lindsey and Diane are talking about the last second flower options, leaving him fuming in the hallway. He doesn't get what angle she's playing.

"You alright son?" Rob asks from the kitchen, hand on the fridge door, and Barney nods. "Do you..." He trails off, and Barney closes his eyes for a moment, then forces himself to walk closer to Rob.

"My..." Barney sighs, takes another deep breath and starts over. "Lauren knows about Gordon."

Rob looks at him grimly. "She walked in on him," Barney says. "Gettin outta the shower."

"I see." Rob says, and Barney nods, closing his eyes.

"Gordon didn't want to tell you or Diane, because..." He bites the inside of his cheek, thinking back to that conversation. "Well, in his words, you'd go crazy."

Rob smiles a bit, then scrubs the grin off his face. "I'm not going to hurt anyone, Barney," he says gently, and Barney nods, lifting his head to look him in the eye.

"I know."

"If Gordon... if you and Gordon want to go ahead with the wedding, with your family there, we'll do it. Whatever you want."

Barney nods slowly. "I don't wanna back down anymore," he says finally. "I'm sick of--cowering like a dog."

Rob looks very much like he wants to hug him, but he's holding back. Barney can't any longer; he closes the distance, falling into Rob's arm for a good ol' dad hug. Rob holds him tight, gives him a kiss on his forehead, as Gordon comes into the kitchen and pauses in the doorway.

"C'mere, you," Barney says, holding an arm out for Gordon too. His fiance joins in on the hug, pressing into his back. Rob finally lets go of Barney, stepping out of the way so that Gordon can turn him around and kiss him.

When they part, Barney addresses him. "Gordo, ah... your dad knows what Lauren knows." Gordon raises an eyebrow and looks over at Rob, who nods solemnly.

<Are you going to snap? Go postal?>

Rob laughs, shaking his head. "No, Gordon, I'm not going to snap. I'm not going to do anything," he says, sipping his tea. A pause. "Not unless they start shit first."

Gordon laughs, one short, sharp sound, and Barney grins, hiding it behind a hand.

"I mean it, if any of those fuckers--"

"Gordon, we need your opinion!" Diane calls, and Gordon does his best to stop laughing, kisses Barney's cheek, and heads back to the dining room. Rob heads for the living room, Barney following.

"I am really sorry about the restaurant, Barney," Rob says, settling into his armchair.

"I know," Barney sighs. "I'm sorry for... thinking that way about you."

"I don't blame you," Rob says.

Barney bites his lip, eyes on his almost-father-in-law. "What did you do to Dan, anyway?" he asks, and Rob blinks at him. "I haven't seen hide or hair of him, since..."

Something seems to click in Rob's head, and he fumbles with his words--"Barney, I--I didn't beat Dan up, if that's what you're asking. I threatened him, sure, but..."

"There was blood on your shirt," Barney says, and winces at his own tone of voice. "I'm sorry, I--"

"I had a bloody nose a little before we left," Rob says gently, leaning forward in his seat. "Barney."

"Can you just tell me... exactly what happened," Barney asks. "I just need to know."

So Rob walks him through it. "We walked outside. He called you and Gordon some particularly choice words, and I told him that if I ever heard him use that language around my boys again, he could say goodbye to his balls."

Barney snorts, he can't help it. "Sorry--go on."

"He tried to goad me into a fight, took a couple of swings at me. I knocked him over and pinned him in the parking lot until he calmed down." Rob shrugs, sipping his tea. He pauses. "I may have slapped him in the face when he was calling you slurs, too, but..."

"Ah, Jesus," Barney sighs, sinking into the couch. "Rob, I thought you had--whooped him." He laughs, breathily, looking over at Rob. "I seriously thought you'd beat him with your belt or something.

Rob shakes his head. "No, I mostly just humiliated him in the parking lot. I'm sorry for scaring you, Barney. I didn't... choose my words very well."

"S'not your fault," Barney says. "I woulda paid to have seen that, though."

Rob chuckles, sipping his tea. "How were they on the hunting trip?" Barney asks. "Him and Ed, they didn't... try to start anything?"

"Ed was... well mannered." Rob shrugs. "Gordon says Dan was a pain in the ass, but that seems to be par for the course for him."

Barney stares at him. "They were alone together?" he asks, and Rob nods. "Oh, jeez," he groans, "yeah, I don't like that."

"Gordon can handle himself," Rob says.

"Yeah, I know," Barney mutters. "I know. He's proven it time and time again, but I don't like it. I don't want him to have to handle anything. I want things to be easy for him, and safe." He sighs, sitting up. "And I know that's not realistic, or really possible. There's gonna be hard times, always, and there'll be plenty of times where he's gotta be tough, and where I've gotta be strong, but I just... I don't want to put any more weight on his shoulders than what's already there. I wanna lift what's on him off, not add to it."

Rob smiles fondly at him, and Barney sighs again. "Guess I'm gonna have to get used to the idea of my husband facing hardships at some point," he murmurs, and Rob reaches over to pat his hand on the armrest.

---

Barney wakes up the next morning feeling good. Fresh. Light flows in through the windows, through Gordon's wispy curtains, illuminating the room with morning sun. Gordon is still asleep, but starts to stir when Barney strokes his cheek.

"Good mornin, baby," Barney says, as Gordon pushes closer to kiss him. They hold onto each other for a long time, until a knock comes at the door. Lindsey pokes her head in a few seconds later, looking at them.

"Hi," she offers, and Barney sits up, pulling out of Gordon's arms. Lindsey steps hesitantly into Gordon's bedroom when he beckons her forward, keeping her hands close, as if she's nervous.

"What's up?" Barney asks her, and she sits on the edge of the bed and smiles at him, looks over at Gordon.

"I wanted to congratulate you two," she starts, "and apologize, for real. It's my fault that the whole family's here, so... I'm really sorry, for letting them in on it."

Barney nods. "Aaaaand... I'm just really proud of you, Barney," Lindsey continues. "I mean... God knows me and Lauren never had to try for anything in our lives, but you... You really had to struggle to get here, and you didn't back down along the way. I'm proud of you."

"Thanks, Linds," Barney says, choking up a bit.

"Aaaand..." She looks over to Gordon. "I just wanted to thank you, Gordon." She bites her lip. "I didn't think I'd get to see my brother ever again, so..."

"Oh, c'mon Linds," Barney scoffs.

"Seriously! Can you tell him that? In sign language? I thought I'd never see you again, after my wedding. Ugh, what a disaster." She pats Barney's hand and moves to get up, off the bed. "Oh, uh..." She looks hesitant to drop any bad news on them, but does it anyway. "Dan might show up. He probably will, Lauren says he's been plotting something."

"S'fine," Barney sighs. "Kind of expected that one, anyway."

Lindsey nods and heads for the door, swinging it open. She nearly bumps into Rob, who has his hand raised to knock.

"Hey, Rob," Barney says, tired but warm inside. Rob shuts the door behind himself and approaches the bed.

"I have some... mediocre news," Rob says, sitting right where Lindsey had sat. Gordon lifts up the covers, searching for something in the bed as his father speaks. "The bakery we ordered your wedding cake from... returned the payment. I guess they received an anonymous tip that it was a cake for two men--"

Barney's face falls. He actually really likes cake... "Wait, who would tell them that?" Barney asks, frowning deeper.

Rob just looks away, not willing to say it. Barney groans.

"God dammit. I bet they called the flower place too."

"No, we're still a go on flowers," Rob assures him. "Diane is seeing what kind of favors she can call in to get you two a cake on such short notice, but..."

<Can one of you get me some underwear,> Gordon signs.

"Baby, you had boxers on when we went to bed," Barney says. Gordon looks bashful.

<I lost them.>

Rob reaches down for his suitcase, digs around until he finds Gordon a pair of boxers, and tosses them his way. "Diane is pretty upset," he informs them. "She knows a few bakery owners, so we should be able to do something, but... not the cake we had planned on."

"It's okay," Barney says, letting out a deep breath. "It doesn't matter, s'just cake." He looks over at Gordon, who's finally got some underwear on so that he can crawl out of bed.

<I need to shower,> Gordon signs, then looks over at Barney. <And I would be so lonely if I showered alone.>

"Alright, alright," Rob says, "I'm leaving." Barney covers his burning face, laughing, until Rob's gone and Gordon pulls his hands away.

<Seriously, come shower with me.>

---

Almost an hour later, they arrive downstairs for breakfast. Rob's too polite to say anything about how long the shower was running for, Diane's too stressed, juggling phone calls to get the cake fiasco figured out, and Lindsey's trailing after her, texting rapidly. Chuck is at the dining table when they sit down, and kind of glances at them, then back to his food.

They sit in relative silence for a few minutes, before Chuck speaks up. "You know I've got nothing against you, Barney," he starts. Barney raises an eyebrow, beckoning for him to go on.

"I just..." He purses his lips, uncomfortable. Chuck's a coward, not the type to make too many waves, or too big, and he's not the type to speak up when he's outnumbered. He glances at Gordon, seeming to remember something, and looks back to Barney. "I'm sick of you rubbing it in our family's faces."

"Our family," Barney echoes.

"Look, it took me years of sucking up to Ed to get a spot at the table," Chuck says. "Do you know how many times I had to ask him for Lindsey's hand before he gave his blessing?"

Barney rolls his eyes, and Chuck continues. "But you, you... homosexuals, you just walk in, throw off the balance of the whole family. Now you've got Dan actin all weird, and I don't even know what Ed's gonna do, he won't tell me."

"Are you jealous?" Barney asks, trying not to smile. Chuck lights up red. "Oh my God, you're jealous," Barney hisses, "you're mad that I'm his son, and you've only got Lindsey tying you to him."

"There is good. Goddamn. Money, in his estate," Chuck stresses, "and I'll be damned if Dan and Lauren inherit it all."

"And what, you think that I'm standing between you and his cash? Jesus, Chuck, I'm not exactly his favorite son!"

"No, but you're fucking shit up!" Chuck snaps, pounding on the table. "Look. Do you know how expensive Lindsey's horse riding is? And she wants to have this baby, start a big ol' family. I just bought her a new car, we're struggling with the mortgage--"

"Ed pays for all of that!" Barney argues.

"Well it's not enough!" Chuck snarls back. "Call me greedy, whatever, I want more than what we've got, and the old man keeps his pursestrings drawn so damn tight..."

"What do you want," Barney chuckles, crossing his arms. "You want me to go crawling to Ed and beg him to give you some cash? You think that'll help?"

"No, I want you to call off this sham wedding." Chuck spits. Barney raises an eyebrow. "Barney, we get it, you're gay. We know you are, you've pushed it for so goddamn long, but you shouldn't go... ruining the sanctity of marriage just to prove that you like fucking this guy in the ass." He gestures at Gordon, who's eyeing him with interest.

"I'm in love with him," Barney says, eyes narrowing. "And I'm awful sorry you're not in love with my sister, but that's not my doing, or my problem."

Chuck stands, throwing his napkin down on his plate. "This wedding isn't happening," he warns. "One way or another. You call it off yourself and tell Ed I talked you down, and I'll give you a percentage of the estate."

Barney snorts. "What's gonna stop me from going to Lindsey and tellin her you don't love her?"

"You think she'd believe your word over mine? You and your deaf boytoy? What'd he get out of this conversation, huh? A bunch of white noise?"

Gordon's grinning, signing to Barney. <Can we please tell him.> Barney just shakes his head, hiding a smile.

"I warned you," Chuck says, heading for the kitchen.

"That piece of shit," Barney says, when Chuck's gone. "I knew he was bad news, but..."

Gordon pats his arm. Barney sighs, and leans over to kiss him.

"Not gonna ruin our day, right?" he asks, and Gordon shakes his head, kisses him again.

---

Guests start arriving in the early afternoon; the Freemans' friends and family. The weather is cooperating, and the backyard is gorgeous, Gordon notes, peeking out his bedroom window as he gets dressed. They couldn't have picked a nicer time or place to exchange vows.

Barney is in his parents' room being fussed over, as Diane reties his bowtie and fixes his hair for him. Gordon stops outside the door and peeks in through the crack.

"Gordon," Diane sighs, "we agreed you two weren't going to see each other until the ceremony..."

Gordon shrugs, pushing the door open, and Barney pulls him into a kiss. "You are covered in dog hair," Diane informs Gordon, "stay here, I'm going to find a lint roller."

For practically the first time since his family's arrival, Barney looks... calm. Not scared, not anxious, just ready. Gordon gazes at him lovingly until Diane comes back to lint roll his tux and shoo him out of the master bedroom.

Gordon heads downstairs, past a massive pile of wedding gifts, past Doug, chewing on a toy, and heads towards the back of the house. He peeks from the kitchen window, just barely moving the curtain aside. Rob steps into the house to grab something, spots him, and makes a beeline to hug him.

"I'm so proud of you," Rob informs him, holding him close. "I love you, Gordon." Gordon nods, throat feeling a bit tight.

"Barney's family isn't here yet," Rob tells him. "We're still on schedule to start in fifteen..."

<That's fine,> Gordon signs. He pauses. <If they're not here when we start, then...> His hands fall still, and he shrugs.

Rob nods, pats him on the shoulder, and turns to the fridge, opening the freezer to pull out a bag of ice. "You can come outside, you know," he says, and Gordon nods, as if he hasn't been feeling apprehensive about that. He follows his dad outside, holding a hand over his eyes to block out some of the bright sunlight. Almost immediately, family friends and relatives are upon him.

"Gordon, you've gotten so tall!"

"Congratulations sweetie," an elderly woman says, patting his hand. "George and I are so proud of you."

<Thank you,> he signs.

He's signing with his old piano teacher when he spots Barney's family, and his smile falters a bit. It's wrong of him, but deep down, he'd hoped they just wouldn't show up. They couldn't ruin his and Barney's wedding if they just weren't there, surely. Instead, here they are, approaching the seating arrangement and talking amongst themselves, trying to determine which side of the aisle they're meant to sit on.

"Hey Freeman," a low voice says, and Gordon turns, raising an eyebrow at Barney's guard buddy, James.

<You came?> Gordon signs, and James shrugs, mumbles in response.

"Well Barney's my best friend, so..."

Gordon smiles, patting him on the shoulder. Good man, James Welk. His plus one, Maksim, is trapped in conversation with one of Rob's colleagues, but gives Gordon a little grin and a nod of acknowledgement.

People are starting to be seated, and suddenly his nerves are alight with anticipation. Chuck and Dan are talking, heads together, near the back on the left. They're examining something together, a scrap of paper.

Rob comes out of the house again, signs to Gordon, <it's almost time.> Gordon nods, tamping down his nerves as his dad approaches, taking him by the arm to guide him to the canopy.

"Don't be nervous," Rob says to him quietly. "You've got nothing to worry about." Gordon nods, senses dulled. There's music coming from somewhere, but he can't quite make it out. He can only hear his own breathing, loud in his ears, as Rob leaves him there by the chuppah.

And then Diane comes walking down the aisle, guiding Barney to him. Gordon's breath catches in his throat, because although he just saw Barney a few minutes ago, he looks so handsome in the sunlight, smiling at him.

Gordon takes a step away from the chuppah, then runs to him, throwing himself at Barney in a hug. There's a collective noise of surprise, and then laughter, soft "awww"ing. Diane guides them both back to the arbor, laughing, and then goes to sit down with Rob.

Gordon wants so badly to just kiss Barney, again and again, but he's coming back to his senses and can hear the family friend acting as officiant talking, addressing the guests. Barney reaches for his hand and Gordon squeezes, unable to look away from him for even a second.

"Barney and Gordon have arranged their own vows," she informs the guests, and then nods to Barney. Barney licks his lips, looking suddenly nervous. He signs as he speaks.

"Darlin... Gordon. When you and I met, I thought... someone out there had to be fuckin with me." A soft laugh ripples through the crowd, and Gordon snorts softly, ducking his head. "I just thought, there's no way someone so beautiful and sweet and smart would ever give me the time of day. But there you were." He gazes at Gordon, lifting a hand to stroke his cheek. "I love you, Gordon. An' I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you, by your side."

Gordon feels his eyes get hot, and his vision goes blurry behind his glasses as tears well up. "Baby," Barney says, instantly trying to comfort him, as Gordon shakes his head and signs.

<I want to marry you. I love you so much, I never want to let go.> He wipes at his face as Barney squeezes his hand.

Gordon's in tears for the exchanging of the rings and the seven blessings, but he's not sad, not hurting, just... so emotional. Barney's his, all his, just his, and he's got a ring on his finger that proves it, and the witness of all his family and their friends.

And the Calhouns, but even they can't spoil this.

They finally, finally kiss, and Gordon melts into him, feeling every bad thing flooding out of them and dissipating. Barney has to pull away, because Gordon won't. He wants this to last.

They break the glasses under their shoes, in the little cloth bags. The cry of "mazel tov!" goes up immediately, and Barney squeezes his hand, letting Gordon come back in to hold onto him again.

The next hour is a blur of congratulations and hugs and words of encouragement. Gordon hangs onto Barney, grinning and sneaking kisses. He can't stop smiling.

Gordon's parents are off somewhere, talking to guests, when Ed and Barbara approach. Ed's got his hands in the pockets of his suit, regards the couple coldly, as if he's considering spitting on them.

"Congratulations," he says, voice flat. Barbara purses her lips. "Guess you really showed me, huh boy."

"You know what, Ed," Barney says, and laughs, shaking his head. "I really don't give a shit what you have to say to me anymore. I'm not afraid of you." Ed stares at him, unblinking. "You can hit me if you want. You can yell, and kick up a fuss, and cause a scene all you want, I don't give a shit."

"Don't talk to your father that way," Barbara snaps. Ed puts a hand out, holding her back.

"By all means," Ed says. "Show us what a big man you are."

Barney's eyebrow twitches, as Rob joins the newlyweds, trying to lead them away. "You're pathetic, boy," Ed spits. "You never could fight for yourself. You were a coward then, you're a coward now, and you're always gonna be a coward. Hiding behind your sissy boyfriend's sissy father..." He spits on the ground, eyes on Rob.

"Barney," Rob says, smiling, "I need you to turn away and go get some cake. You and Gordon. I'm going to kick your father's ass."

Ed chuckles, cracking his knuckles on one hand, then the other. "You wanna fight me? Man, for a scrawny nerd, you sure are fucking stupid." Rob shrugs.

"At least my boys don't live in fear of me," Rob says, and Ed's lip curls. His hand clenches into a fist, and he beckons Rob forward.

"Ed," Chuck says, cutting in. "Ed, you gotta see this." He's got a scrap of paper with something written on it, and something else blacked out above that.

"Who's this," Ed asks, squinting. "Damnit, Chuck, I don't give a shit about some girl, get outta here."

"Look," Chuck insists, gleefully, flipping the photo over to show him. Ed blinks, snatches the picture out of his hand, and flips it back and forth; taking in the youth's face, then the name inscribed on the back.

A low, dark chuckle crawls out of his chest, and he and his son in law laugh. Dan joins them, squinting at the photo. "You coulda told us you were marrying a girl, Barney!" Ed barks, and Gordon has to hold his husband back. "God, damn, son, all that fucking drama over you wanting to suck cock so fucking bad, and you end up with a chick with a beard?!"

"Fuck you!" Barney yells, as Gordon tries to haul him and Rob both away.

"Poor, poor, confused little Barney," Dan says, clicking his tongue. "You can't get it up for wet pussy, but as long as she's got a goatee--"

Barney yanks himself free from Gordon, and he's on Dan in an instant, slamming his fist into his face. Barney is screaming, threats and curses and promises, as Ed laughs and Barbara screams back. Guests gasp in horror, scrambling away from the violent scene unfolding near the chuppah.

Ed grabs Barney by the scruff and throws him off of Dan, who doesn't look much worse for wear. The patriarch and his sons-in-law regroup and advance on Barney and Rob. It's an unfair fight, until James Welk charges over and hauls Chuck away by his collar to beat the shit out of him. Maksim is hot on his heels to throw himself into the fight, all teeth and nails and low blows.

Gordon yanks himself away from his mom to throw himself at Dan, enraged, to kick him in the bum leg. His right leg, he remembers now. Dan screams in agony, and they go down hard. Gordon sits on Dan's chest to punch him, again and again in his smug, stupid face. Dan howls with rage, fending off his blows and flipping them over, pushing Gordon into the grass. "You freak!" he shouts as he pins the groom, hands balled into fists in the jacket of his tux. Gordon curls his lip, glaring up at him, and catches a glimpse of it in Dan's eyes again--that same sad, scared, longing look behind the mask. The idiot doesn't even want to do this. He looks on the verge of tears as he leans over Gordon, and Gordon can't find it in himself to feel bad for him. Not now. Not while he's taking the coward's path to ruin his wedding. "You seriously thought we wouldn't find out about you?!" Dan yells. He's saying it for Ed, Gordon gets that, Ed who can hear him when he thinks Gordon can't--but the message is received all the same. Gordon spits at him, and Dan snarls, trying to wipe his face and pin Gordon's hands at the same time. Welk abandons Chuck long enough to pull him off and knee him in the groin, and Dan collapses, groaning, next to Gordon in the grass.

"That's enough," Ed warns. He's got Barney in a chokehold, chuckling in his ear as Rob staggers back, bloody and clearly disoriented, blinking spots out of his vision. The scene comes to a halt and Gordon stands, slowly, eyes on Barney.

"You dumb fucking queers," Ed laughs. Diane grabs onto Rob, holding him back from throwing himself into the fight again. "You fucking freaks!" Ed spits. "The boy mighta never been normal, sure, maybe he was doomed to end up like this, but you people, you fucking freaks, just had to encourage it, let him run wild and proud like a little one man fag parade." Barney claws at his arm, struggling to breathe. "I could've forgiven you before all this," Ed says. "You coulda come home, married a nice girl, been a real fucking man, if you would have just dropped the fucking gay shit. And here I learn you've been with a damn... woman this whole time, playing me for a fool!" He squeezes tighter around Barney's neck.

"Let him go, Ed," Rob wheezes, clutching his ribs. Ed sneers.

"Little faggot's better off dead than with you people." Ed grins, as Barney's eyes roll back--

"Gordon!" Diane screams, but he can't see her, can't hear her over the rushing in his ears as he charges at Ed. Ed laughs and shoves Barney, unconscious, out of the way, and Gordon punches him in the balls as hard as he can.

"Oh, you wanna fight dirty?" Ed wheezes, but Gordon's not done; he watches his hands move as he punches Ed in the face, again and again and again and again until his fists are bloody, not caring when Ed punches him back. There's screaming, and someone's pulling at his shoulders, trying to draw him away, pull him off of Ed--he's gonna kill my husband! Barbara screams--but he just keeps slamming his fist into Ed's face.

Rob hooks his arms under Gordon's shoulders and pulls him, kicking and yelling and spitting, away from Ed. "That's enough, son," he says gently, as Gordon pants, eyes wild and angry. He yanks away, straightening up as Lauren and Barbara rush to Ed's side to check on him, wave their hands in front of his eyes and ask how many fingers.

Ed's eyes finally focus on Gordon, who's panting and covered in blood, not his own. Gordon sneers, his lip curling, and snarls at him--

"Get. Out."

His voice ripples right through the Calhouns, who stammer and stare and gasp that he can talk? "You're not deaf?!" Lauren yells, and Gordon spits blood in the grass. He looks at Dan, face pale and hurt and mortified. Yeah, you dumb bastard.

"Leave." None of them move, stunned as they are, and Gordon's face twists with rage. "LEAVE!"

Dan and Chuck help Ed onto his feet, hurrying him across the lawn. Blood spatters the lawn in their wake. "You'll be hearing from our lawyers," Barbara's yelling over her shoulder, as Lauren herds the boys after them. Lindsey follows sadly, looking back at the Freemans.

The second they're out of sight, Gordon turns to find Barney. James and Maksim are helping him sit up. Barney slurs as if he were drunk.

Diane and Rob stand by, shocked, watching their blood-covered son go to his blood-covered husband and fuss over him. The wedding guests are still and silent, watching. There's a nervous energy in the air, one of those do we call the cops or what kind of moments.

Rob claps his hands together, and his voice is kind of hoarse when he speaks. "Cake," he says, "let's... go get cake."

Once word spreads through the guests of what actually happened, that the incident was very nearly a transphobic and homophobic hate crime, things relax a bit. Barney's coherent, although Diane keeps shining a light in his eyes and asking him facts about the date and his address and the president, every twenty minutes like clockwork. Gordon refuses to wash the blood off, just sits in his stained tux, eating cake. It's better than the one they had ordered, he decides, because it's shared with people that love them.

Gordon waves James over to his family's table and he approaches, holding a plate of cake. <Sit,> Gordon signs, gesturing to an open seat. James settles in hesitantly, and Rob leans over, claps him on the shoulder.

"Good work, son."

James flushes, looking down at his cake, and Barney laughs at him, earning himself a kick under the table. Maksim joins them too, at Gordon's urging. His parents sign to one another, the tail end of some line of conversation he'd missed; Maksim holds onto James and they share a slice of cake. Gordon leans over to kiss his poor concussed husband. This is it, Gordon thinks, watching his family and friends, his people as they talk and laugh, eat, drink and make merry. This is how it should be in the end. There's still so much Gordon wants to say to Barney, so many more promises he has to make, but he knows there'll be more time. They've got time. For now, they're alive, they're safe, and they're among good company.

On May first, Gordon and Barney celebrate their wedding, their marriage, and their love.

On May fourteenth, they return to Black Mesa, and the next day, return to work.

On May sixteenth, the whole world falls to shit.